OMG - we could finalize NEXT month!
Lil J's c/w came today to over over the final paperwork that we need for the adoption packet. Lots of stuff we had to read, understand, sign, etc.
I asked about the next steps, she advised that it get reviewed by the chain of command, everyone signs their part, and then it is sent to our attorney. And, the attorney will contact us. She said all of this takes about 3-4 weeks.
I was thinking, cool - looks like we are on target to finalize before the end of the year. I even expressed my excitement to the c/w. And then she said.....
Oh, no - in (no more than) 4 weeks you will already have your court date - so when the attorney calls you, he will be calling you to give you the date. Which she said is usually a short time away.
She also said that she did the exact same paperwork with another family on 8/25 and that family is finalizing this friday. That is only 3 weeks TOTAL.
I can't believe it, he could be legally ours NEXT MONTH!!!!! I will of course be sharing his name and picture - and I can't wait to do it!
Showing posts with label Lil J. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lil J. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Major Update
We have court today. The whole bio father thing is getting on my nerves. It keeps getting pushed back, postponed, etc.
But, today is the day. He is flying up today and has told my CW, and his attorney, that he will be doing a surrender today. This has been said before though. He was actually suposed to do a surrender back in March at mediation.
UPDATE
This turned out really long. Short Story - Lil J is LEGALLY FREE!!!!!
Long Story:
Sorry I could not update sooner. We had a follow up dr appointment for Elsie, so basically I walked in the door, and had to leave again. Then the doc went over schedule, then we had to dinner, baths, etc, etc.
Bio Dad, was being flown from out of state, and then being taken directly to the court house. This alone was annoying since we can not control the airlines, etc.
We were scheduled for 11am, and the judge knew about the case and knew about the circumstances, etc, etc, and was basically "holding up session" to wait and hear us. His caseload is very light since he is retiring at the end of the month. At this point, he is just wrapping things up.
Anyway, he did not get to the courthouse until almost 11:30. Then he had to meet with his attorney.
We went into the courtroom and he did in fact do the full surrender! I didn't think it would be emotional for me, since he has had no relationship at all. But, it was! the attorney went over all the questions on the surrender forms, making sure he understood everything, and made sure he was there on his free well, bla bla bla. All very legal wording, etc.
But, then the judge asked him very similar questions, but in a converstation tone. The judge asked why he was surrendering. His answer really just broke my heart. He admitted that he was irresponsible in his life, selfish, and immature. He also said he wanted to do what was best for Lil J, that he LOVES that he is with a great family, and that he loves him so much, even though he has never met him.
He also went on and on about how he is not in a position emotionally, mentally, physically to raise a child - let alone as a single father. He wanted Lil J to grow up with people who loved him, and not (someone like him) who essentially didn't care enough to step up to the plate (his word, not mine).
The judge them made it clear that this is not reversible at all, and those words really sunk in for him. I was sitting directly behind him, but I could hear his voice cracking as he spoke. It was very emotional.
When the judge said, "I accept your surrender, and since bio mom has already been terminated, said minor is legally free to be adopted" - I was in tears.
After court, just me and the bio dad went for coffee. We chatted for over 2 hours, just taking. It was weird that it was not weird. He was easy to talk to. We talked about his life (current and past), we talked about his relationship with Lil J's mother, we talked about my family, we talked about Lil J, we talked about everything in between.
The funny, totally non-expected thing that happened today was that I paid his cell phone bill - kinda. When he arrived at court, he told the CW that his phone would be turned off any mintute for non-payment. Having a hard time right now would only barely describe his life right now.
Well, during the time we were in session, he phone was indeed turned off. He was flying back today (in and out same day) - and everyone knows how bad it is not to have a phone, especially when traveling. He flat out asked me if I could pay the bill if he gave me the cash. He gave me the cash and I paid the bill. I can say that this was never in my head as something I would be doing today. It is not like he had my card #, it was done all on the phone, it was only a one time charge, and he did give me the cash. Totally random, I know.
Like I said, we talked about everything. Then he dropped a bombshell on me. He was told about 6 months ago that he has several spots on his lungs, this was in the ER, and he was given the name and number of several specialists. He has done nothing since then, since he has no insurance and has been denied state care. How the hell he was denied, is beyond me. I mean - you have not job, no savings, and have a heath issues.
It was a lot to take in.
After our chat, he hugged. And, again - not weird.
He had to go back to the office to fill out some additional paperwork - his medical info, a letter to Lil J, take a pic for his life book, etc All of these things were requested previously
My CW is coming tomorrow and we will officially start the adoption process. I told my husband that I will buy extra pens just so that we can fill out everything on our end tomorrow night. lol I mean, I know it will still be several months before we finalize. But, might as well do our part as soon as possible.
If you got this far, wow - you were committed lol. Thanks for reading. It is a good day for our family.
But, today is the day. He is flying up today and has told my CW, and his attorney, that he will be doing a surrender today. This has been said before though. He was actually suposed to do a surrender back in March at mediation.
UPDATE
This turned out really long. Short Story - Lil J is LEGALLY FREE!!!!!
Long Story:
Sorry I could not update sooner. We had a follow up dr appointment for Elsie, so basically I walked in the door, and had to leave again. Then the doc went over schedule, then we had to dinner, baths, etc, etc.
Bio Dad, was being flown from out of state, and then being taken directly to the court house. This alone was annoying since we can not control the airlines, etc.
We were scheduled for 11am, and the judge knew about the case and knew about the circumstances, etc, etc, and was basically "holding up session" to wait and hear us. His caseload is very light since he is retiring at the end of the month. At this point, he is just wrapping things up.
Anyway, he did not get to the courthouse until almost 11:30. Then he had to meet with his attorney.
We went into the courtroom and he did in fact do the full surrender! I didn't think it would be emotional for me, since he has had no relationship at all. But, it was! the attorney went over all the questions on the surrender forms, making sure he understood everything, and made sure he was there on his free well, bla bla bla. All very legal wording, etc.
But, then the judge asked him very similar questions, but in a converstation tone. The judge asked why he was surrendering. His answer really just broke my heart. He admitted that he was irresponsible in his life, selfish, and immature. He also said he wanted to do what was best for Lil J, that he LOVES that he is with a great family, and that he loves him so much, even though he has never met him.
He also went on and on about how he is not in a position emotionally, mentally, physically to raise a child - let alone as a single father. He wanted Lil J to grow up with people who loved him, and not (someone like him) who essentially didn't care enough to step up to the plate (his word, not mine).
The judge them made it clear that this is not reversible at all, and those words really sunk in for him. I was sitting directly behind him, but I could hear his voice cracking as he spoke. It was very emotional.
When the judge said, "I accept your surrender, and since bio mom has already been terminated, said minor is legally free to be adopted" - I was in tears.
After court, just me and the bio dad went for coffee. We chatted for over 2 hours, just taking. It was weird that it was not weird. He was easy to talk to. We talked about his life (current and past), we talked about his relationship with Lil J's mother, we talked about my family, we talked about Lil J, we talked about everything in between.
The funny, totally non-expected thing that happened today was that I paid his cell phone bill - kinda. When he arrived at court, he told the CW that his phone would be turned off any mintute for non-payment. Having a hard time right now would only barely describe his life right now.
Well, during the time we were in session, he phone was indeed turned off. He was flying back today (in and out same day) - and everyone knows how bad it is not to have a phone, especially when traveling. He flat out asked me if I could pay the bill if he gave me the cash. He gave me the cash and I paid the bill. I can say that this was never in my head as something I would be doing today. It is not like he had my card #, it was done all on the phone, it was only a one time charge, and he did give me the cash. Totally random, I know.
Like I said, we talked about everything. Then he dropped a bombshell on me. He was told about 6 months ago that he has several spots on his lungs, this was in the ER, and he was given the name and number of several specialists. He has done nothing since then, since he has no insurance and has been denied state care. How the hell he was denied, is beyond me. I mean - you have not job, no savings, and have a heath issues.
It was a lot to take in.
After our chat, he hugged. And, again - not weird.
He had to go back to the office to fill out some additional paperwork - his medical info, a letter to Lil J, take a pic for his life book, etc All of these things were requested previously
My CW is coming tomorrow and we will officially start the adoption process. I told my husband that I will buy extra pens just so that we can fill out everything on our end tomorrow night. lol I mean, I know it will still be several months before we finalize. But, might as well do our part as soon as possible.
If you got this far, wow - you were committed lol. Thanks for reading. It is a good day for our family.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I wish it was just over already
Without going into too many specifics, it is getting annoying with the bio father. He said he would surrender, then said wanted an attorney, then said he could only do it in person, then said he couldn't make it on a certain day, then needed to postpone again, bla bla bla
Rights on mom were terminated about 2 months ago. This guy has never seen Lil J, but it is not like he did not know about him. They were together until she was about 6 months pregnant. He was contacted 2+ years ago when Lil J was placed in care. He has ignored court orders for DNA tests.
UGH - at this point it really is just a formality. But, we really wanted to start the process of the adoption paperwork. We wanted to finalize before the girls' birthday party (Sept). We still hope to finalize before the end of the year.
It is just getting old.
Rights on mom were terminated about 2 months ago. This guy has never seen Lil J, but it is not like he did not know about him. They were together until she was about 6 months pregnant. He was contacted 2+ years ago when Lil J was placed in care. He has ignored court orders for DNA tests.
UGH - at this point it really is just a formality. But, we really wanted to start the process of the adoption paperwork. We wanted to finalize before the girls' birthday party (Sept). We still hope to finalize before the end of the year.
It is just getting old.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Today is J DAY
Today marks 2 years that Lil J has been with us. He has been in care for about 2 weeks more, he stayed with a friend of a friend for a few days, then was with another foster family.
That foster family could not "deal" with him. Basically - they had a bio child the same age as Lil J and the two kids did not get along at all. He was her first foster child that was not family.
She decided to disrupt.
I am actually on another message board and she was on the same board (it had a board just for NJ foster care). After in her car for only a few days, she started writing about how she can to "get rid" of him. The problems she was having, etc
At first, I did not want to get involved. Why would I want to take the kid with huge problems (yeah, I know - there is no perfect child)? But, I kinda read through the lines and figured out that it was probably HER kid that was the problem, and not so much with Lil J.
We talked, I talked to his caseworker, spoke to my caseworker, and then I decided to meet Lil J.
Seriously, the day we met (yesterday 2 yrs ago), I knew that we wanted him in our home. After meeting him, and playing with him for about 2 hours, I KNEW that he was not this horrible child that she was describing. Just a 3 yr old boy that was just ripped from his mother.
I talked with the caseworker again and agreed that we would like to place him in our home. There was some paperwork to be done and she would let me know if he was coming. It was less than 24 hours later that he arrived.
I was so nervous waiting for THE CALL. In fact, the call came when I was driving my friend to the airport (1+ hour away). I probably drove faster than I should have lol. I get the call that he is coming, and a few hours later - there he was.
He showed up with the clothes on his back, a pair of PJs, 5 diapers and ONE matchbox car. He shoes were too sizes too small, his hair/scalp were in rough shape due to lack of proper care, and he was under weight
How could I not love this child? Of course the next few days are a blur - he cried out for his mommy, tore my heart apart. But, he quickly settled in to our family, and our house became his HOME.
I am not going to lie, it was HARD in the begining. We had to deal with really bad food issues, and behaviour issues. But, in the end - he is awesome. We still struggle with things, and are working through them. But, he has come so far. Physically, Emotionally, Pychologically.
I seriously can not wait to show his face - even that has changed so much. One day soon, he will be OUR son.
That foster family could not "deal" with him. Basically - they had a bio child the same age as Lil J and the two kids did not get along at all. He was her first foster child that was not family.
She decided to disrupt.
I am actually on another message board and she was on the same board (it had a board just for NJ foster care). After in her car for only a few days, she started writing about how she can to "get rid" of him. The problems she was having, etc
At first, I did not want to get involved. Why would I want to take the kid with huge problems (yeah, I know - there is no perfect child)? But, I kinda read through the lines and figured out that it was probably HER kid that was the problem, and not so much with Lil J.
We talked, I talked to his caseworker, spoke to my caseworker, and then I decided to meet Lil J.
Seriously, the day we met (yesterday 2 yrs ago), I knew that we wanted him in our home. After meeting him, and playing with him for about 2 hours, I KNEW that he was not this horrible child that she was describing. Just a 3 yr old boy that was just ripped from his mother.
I talked with the caseworker again and agreed that we would like to place him in our home. There was some paperwork to be done and she would let me know if he was coming. It was less than 24 hours later that he arrived.
I was so nervous waiting for THE CALL. In fact, the call came when I was driving my friend to the airport (1+ hour away). I probably drove faster than I should have lol. I get the call that he is coming, and a few hours later - there he was.
He showed up with the clothes on his back, a pair of PJs, 5 diapers and ONE matchbox car. He shoes were too sizes too small, his hair/scalp were in rough shape due to lack of proper care, and he was under weight
How could I not love this child? Of course the next few days are a blur - he cried out for his mommy, tore my heart apart. But, he quickly settled in to our family, and our house became his HOME.
I am not going to lie, it was HARD in the begining. We had to deal with really bad food issues, and behaviour issues. But, in the end - he is awesome. We still struggle with things, and are working through them. But, he has come so far. Physically, Emotionally, Pychologically.
I seriously can not wait to show his face - even that has changed so much. One day soon, he will be OUR son.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Termination Trial Date has be scheduled
First a disclaimer - yes, we all know that the best situation would be for Lil J's mom (and any foster child) to be able to parent their own children, that they would not be in a situation that required the state removing their child. Or, after removal - the mom would prove herself fit and be reunified with her child. yada yada yada.
BUT - when that does not happen, then of course what is best for the child is adoption
End of disclaimer
__________________________
We had court last week- and the judge scheduled a termination trial date for NEXT MONTH! There are a few teeny stipulations that might delay the trial by about a month - but, I don't think there will be a delay and the trial should start as planned.
It is a multi-day trial and each day can be a week apart. So, it is not like the termination of rights will happen on the first day. I also found out that I am not allowed to attend the termination trial. I have attended every trial since Lil J moved into our home. But, the termination trial deals with TONS of "confidential" information that technically I am not entitled to. Most of the info I DO have is kinda on the side - I am sure I am not supposed to know most of what I do. As much as I would love to hear all the details of the case - it is hard to get sitters or have my husband take off of work. And, since it is a multi-day trial, it would be a lot of time off.
There will be mediation a few days before the trial - where bio mom would have the opportunity to do a voluntary surrender. This is something that we are invited to. They do this so they could possibly cancel the trial and save the state some $$. But, if mom does not show up to mediation (VERY possible) then we go to trial. Bio-dad will also be invited to this mediation. In fact, the state is flying him up from down south so that he can attend the mediation.
At this point - there is no way the judge should not terminate her rights. She has done nothing on her court ordered plan, has not seen Lil J in over 4 months, and has gotten herself in "trouble" since he has been in care. Today is actually 2 years in care. Time is up.
We are pretty excited that it is next month. And, even if it gets delayed, it will only be delayed by about a month. After termination - it will still be several months before his adoption is final.
So - disclaimer aside - we are EXCITED
_________________________
And - an update on Bio-Dad
They finally found the bio father - he kinda "fell off the earth" for 1.5 years. He has said time and time again that he WILL surrender, that he is in no place to raise a child. We sent pictures and pages of his lifebook to him through the caseworker, and he was overcome with emotion. He was so happy to see that we actually do stuff with him - you know ---- treat him like he is part of our family.
BUT - he said he will not surrender unless he is certain that Lil J will not go back to his mom. He is scheduled to attend mediation, which is a few days before the TPR trial. They are going to fly him up from FL to attend mediation - he will be able to hear all the details of the case. It would not take a genius to figure out the they will terminate. So, he will either surrender at mediation, or right after the termination trial.
Just a tiny glitch - but I don't think it will be too much of an issue. He has the same issues as the mother, so it is not like he CAN parent.
BUT - when that does not happen, then of course what is best for the child is adoption
End of disclaimer
__________________________
We had court last week- and the judge scheduled a termination trial date for NEXT MONTH! There are a few teeny stipulations that might delay the trial by about a month - but, I don't think there will be a delay and the trial should start as planned.
It is a multi-day trial and each day can be a week apart. So, it is not like the termination of rights will happen on the first day. I also found out that I am not allowed to attend the termination trial. I have attended every trial since Lil J moved into our home. But, the termination trial deals with TONS of "confidential" information that technically I am not entitled to. Most of the info I DO have is kinda on the side - I am sure I am not supposed to know most of what I do. As much as I would love to hear all the details of the case - it is hard to get sitters or have my husband take off of work. And, since it is a multi-day trial, it would be a lot of time off.
There will be mediation a few days before the trial - where bio mom would have the opportunity to do a voluntary surrender. This is something that we are invited to. They do this so they could possibly cancel the trial and save the state some $$. But, if mom does not show up to mediation (VERY possible) then we go to trial. Bio-dad will also be invited to this mediation. In fact, the state is flying him up from down south so that he can attend the mediation.
At this point - there is no way the judge should not terminate her rights. She has done nothing on her court ordered plan, has not seen Lil J in over 4 months, and has gotten herself in "trouble" since he has been in care. Today is actually 2 years in care. Time is up.
We are pretty excited that it is next month. And, even if it gets delayed, it will only be delayed by about a month. After termination - it will still be several months before his adoption is final.
So - disclaimer aside - we are EXCITED
_________________________
And - an update on Bio-Dad
They finally found the bio father - he kinda "fell off the earth" for 1.5 years. He has said time and time again that he WILL surrender, that he is in no place to raise a child. We sent pictures and pages of his lifebook to him through the caseworker, and he was overcome with emotion. He was so happy to see that we actually do stuff with him - you know ---- treat him like he is part of our family.
BUT - he said he will not surrender unless he is certain that Lil J will not go back to his mom. He is scheduled to attend mediation, which is a few days before the TPR trial. They are going to fly him up from FL to attend mediation - he will be able to hear all the details of the case. It would not take a genius to figure out the they will terminate. So, he will either surrender at mediation, or right after the termination trial.
Just a tiny glitch - but I don't think it will be too much of an issue. He has the same issues as the mother, so it is not like he CAN parent.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Birthday to Lil J!
Today is Lil J's 5th Birthday! Wow - that went FAST. We are just having pizza and cake with just us and the girls from next door. We took him to monster jam a few weeks ago as well.
He is going to be so surprised when he comes home and the whole house is decorated. Nothing like last year - but streamers, balloons, etc. But, to a 5 year old - balloons = party. So, I am set.
Since they are doing their Valentine's Party at school today, and not having his school party until Thurday, I wanted him to wear a special outfit today for his birthday. So, I very quickly whipped up a birthday shirt and crown for him. Yeah, I could have made it nicer - but I think it will do it's job.
He is going to be so surprised when he comes home and the whole house is decorated. Nothing like last year - but streamers, balloons, etc. But, to a 5 year old - balloons = party. So, I am set.
Since they are doing their Valentine's Party at school today, and not having his school party until Thurday, I wanted him to wear a special outfit today for his birthday. So, I very quickly whipped up a birthday shirt and crown for him. Yeah, I could have made it nicer - but I think it will do it's job.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
They finally identified Lil J's bio father
This guy was scheduled to be tested in 2009.. He missed 3 different court ordered appointments.
The plan was that the court would just terminate all unknown fathers at the same time as they terminate his mother's rights.
After the 3rd no-show, it was said that they would not search him out again. Well, I guess since the case is leading to termination, they wanted to get 100% certainty that he is or is not the father.
Well, it came back that this 3rd guy is the father. This guy left bio mom when she was 6 months pregnant and was never seen again. He has the same issues that his bio mom has - so it is not like he can parent at this time.
The caseworker spoke to this guy before the test results and he said he *might* surrender his rights before a trial. But wants pictures, and maybe a phone call before he would decide.
I know they would not just *give* Lil J to him if he wanted to parent...that they would do background checks, and he would still have to follow some sort of plan.....but being totally selfish, I am hoping he just does a surrender.
This guy was with her from the begining of her pegnancy (and according to him about a year before), and then was with her until 6 months pregnant. So, it is not like he didn't know he had a (possible) kid. Even if there was the possibility of someone else, he left knowing it could very well be his. Never sought her out for the next 3-5 years either.
My caseworker is going to speaking to him shortly, I have already given her some pics to send him. So, I guess we wait.
On another note, Lil J's mom is still MIA. There was a brief message to my CWs supervisor in Dec. But, there has been no visits since Oct 27th.
The plan was that the court would just terminate all unknown fathers at the same time as they terminate his mother's rights.
After the 3rd no-show, it was said that they would not search him out again. Well, I guess since the case is leading to termination, they wanted to get 100% certainty that he is or is not the father.
Well, it came back that this 3rd guy is the father. This guy left bio mom when she was 6 months pregnant and was never seen again. He has the same issues that his bio mom has - so it is not like he can parent at this time.
The caseworker spoke to this guy before the test results and he said he *might* surrender his rights before a trial. But wants pictures, and maybe a phone call before he would decide.
I know they would not just *give* Lil J to him if he wanted to parent...that they would do background checks, and he would still have to follow some sort of plan.....but being totally selfish, I am hoping he just does a surrender.
This guy was with her from the begining of her pegnancy (and according to him about a year before), and then was with her until 6 months pregnant. So, it is not like he didn't know he had a (possible) kid. Even if there was the possibility of someone else, he left knowing it could very well be his. Never sought her out for the next 3-5 years either.
My caseworker is going to speaking to him shortly, I have already given her some pics to send him. So, I guess we wait.
On another note, Lil J's mom is still MIA. There was a brief message to my CWs supervisor in Dec. But, there has been no visits since Oct 27th.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Court Update
Don't get excited, this will be short. The update on our court date yesterday is that there was no court.
Our hearing was adjorned with no new date set. And, it was not adjorned for any good reason, just to lessen the caseload of the judge.
The thing that annoyed me the most is that I did not find out until I was at the courthouse for over an hour just waiting to be called. AND - it was cancelled the day before. My caseworker was not notified until the day of court, and was IN court all day. So, she really did not find out until she got back to the office during lunch.
Lil J's attorney did not know either. So, we were going to try to get "squeezed" in since everyone was there. Well, not everyone - since his mom was not there (no surprise there). So, I sat there for over an hour just waited to see if we would get called in. The answer: NO WAY
But, I did find out that we ARE on the calendar for mediation in Feb. Although that just means that we should have it in feb, but not that we have an actual date. I guess this was part of the previous court order - you know the ONLY court date that I missed. It was 2 days after Elsie was born.
So - if bio mom agrees to the mediation, then that will be in Feb. The fact that this case was adjorned has no bearing on the mediation, which is good.
So - I just wanted to give yet another non update
Our hearing was adjorned with no new date set. And, it was not adjorned for any good reason, just to lessen the caseload of the judge.
The thing that annoyed me the most is that I did not find out until I was at the courthouse for over an hour just waiting to be called. AND - it was cancelled the day before. My caseworker was not notified until the day of court, and was IN court all day. So, she really did not find out until she got back to the office during lunch.
Lil J's attorney did not know either. So, we were going to try to get "squeezed" in since everyone was there. Well, not everyone - since his mom was not there (no surprise there). So, I sat there for over an hour just waited to see if we would get called in. The answer: NO WAY
But, I did find out that we ARE on the calendar for mediation in Feb. Although that just means that we should have it in feb, but not that we have an actual date. I guess this was part of the previous court order - you know the ONLY court date that I missed. It was 2 days after Elsie was born.
So - if bio mom agrees to the mediation, then that will be in Feb. The fact that this case was adjorned has no bearing on the mediation, which is good.
So - I just wanted to give yet another non update
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A non-update on Lil J
This post was supposed to be from the other day, but I forgot to publish it. Sooo.....here it is 2 days later. lol
I realized that today was the 11th of the month, which means that Lil J has been with us for exactly 22 months now. That is almost 2 years! Wow, life goes by so fast.
I uploaded a bunch of pics to a digital frame I got recently, and I can not believe how much he has grown since March '09. He looks so much more mature, is so much taller, and his hair is FINALLY decent. (*for those that don't remember, he had super thick, super gross 'cradle cap' type of dead skin on about 50+% of his head. And because of that, his hair was very patchy. AND, he was treated for lice when he was first put into care, and the little hair that he had was either cut badly or clipped badly. So, to say he had bad hair was an understatement!)
His mom was missing for a while (posted about it here) and while she did resurface (with a message to my caseworker's supervisor), no one really knows where she was or what she was doing those 2 months.
Lil J has not seen her since Oct 27, which was the last visit. She has missed every visit since then. Tomorrow is a scheduled visit - but our area is set to get hit with a big storm.
So either:
1) it is considered a "State of Emergency" and therefore the CPS office is closed; or
2) mom does not call to confirm the visit; or
3) mom does call, but cancels due to the impending storm.
So, I really don't see the visit happening. UPDATE - since this post is 2 days late. She never called to confirm or cancel the visit. So, the visit never happened.
We have a "Case Management Review" court hearing next week. Basically, they go over the details of the case, talk about what his mom has NOT been doing, what she HAS been doing (like bad things), and talks about Lil J's home life.
We finally have our original judge back, and she is a very no nonsense judge. There is a possibility that she will schedule a termination trial as the next court date. I heard a *rumor* that it could be around March/April. I am not holding my breath. But, since Mom has done NOTHING towards her plan, keeps getting in trouble, and misses tons of visits - it might be a good chance.
So - I just wanted to give a non-update update :) I will update again next week after court
I realized that today was the 11th of the month, which means that Lil J has been with us for exactly 22 months now. That is almost 2 years! Wow, life goes by so fast.
I uploaded a bunch of pics to a digital frame I got recently, and I can not believe how much he has grown since March '09. He looks so much more mature, is so much taller, and his hair is FINALLY decent. (*for those that don't remember, he had super thick, super gross 'cradle cap' type of dead skin on about 50+% of his head. And because of that, his hair was very patchy. AND, he was treated for lice when he was first put into care, and the little hair that he had was either cut badly or clipped badly. So, to say he had bad hair was an understatement!)
His mom was missing for a while (posted about it here) and while she did resurface (with a message to my caseworker's supervisor), no one really knows where she was or what she was doing those 2 months.
Lil J has not seen her since Oct 27, which was the last visit. She has missed every visit since then. Tomorrow is a scheduled visit - but our area is set to get hit with a big storm.
So either:
1) it is considered a "State of Emergency" and therefore the CPS office is closed; or
2) mom does not call to confirm the visit; or
3) mom does call, but cancels due to the impending storm.
So, I really don't see the visit happening. UPDATE - since this post is 2 days late. She never called to confirm or cancel the visit. So, the visit never happened.
We have a "Case Management Review" court hearing next week. Basically, they go over the details of the case, talk about what his mom has NOT been doing, what she HAS been doing (like bad things), and talks about Lil J's home life.
We finally have our original judge back, and she is a very no nonsense judge. There is a possibility that she will schedule a termination trial as the next court date. I heard a *rumor* that it could be around March/April. I am not holding my breath. But, since Mom has done NOTHING towards her plan, keeps getting in trouble, and misses tons of visits - it might be a good chance.
So - I just wanted to give a non-update update :) I will update again next week after court
Friday, December 17, 2010
"When are the girls gonna leave?"
That is what Lil J keeps asking me. "when are the girls gonna leave"
We talk about his mom. We tell him that he lived with his mom when he was a baby. This is usually in response to something that the girls do. He might say something like "remember when I was a baby......"
He knows that he has two moms, he knows that he came to live with us at about 3 years old, he knows that he mom loves him, bla bla bla.
Well, apparently, he thinks that his life is what happens to everyone. That you live with one mom as a baby, and then live with another when you get older. He keeps saying that when the girls get older, they are going to live with their other mom. It totally breaks my heart that he thinks this is the norm.
I have tried to explain to him that the girls are here to stay, and that HE is also here as part of our family. And, that the other mom was not able to take good care of him, which is why he is part of our family now. And, while he does not live with the other mom now, that she loves him very much.
He really doesn't have many memories from before he came to us, or at least he does not talk about anything. He came to us a month after his 3rd birthday, and really how many kids have memories from when they are 2 yrs old?
Ugh, heart crushing.
We are actually VERY concerned about his mother right now. There has been a strange twist in his case.
His mother is currently MISSING. Yup, she is missing. Because one reason or another, the visit schedule had changed back and forth between every week and every other week. On October 27, she had her last visit. At that time, the visits were to be every other week.
Well, since then, she has not contacted our caseworker at all. She is supposed to call 24 hours before a visit to confirm that she will be there. But, not only has she not called to confirm the visits (which were obviously cancelled), but her phone goes right to voicemail, she does not return phone calls, and 2 certified letters were never picked up from the post office.
So, short of driving out to her house, she is officially missing. It has been almost 2 months of no contact. And to be honest, I am concerned for her. Very concerned. Other than when he was first here, and she had no contact with the CW for 3-4 months, she has not just disappeared. Yes, she missed plenty of visits, didn't call to confirm a visit, etc. But, it has never been this long without contact of any kind.
Most of her missed visits were either because of no confirmation, or she would call and give a lame excuse.
My CW has been advised by her supervisor that they need to do an official "search" for her, which means sending more certified letters, more phone calls, checking hospitals, jails, etc.
In our state, one reason for termination of rights is abandonment. Since we are heading towards termination anyway, this will just be another item on the list which shows that termination is the proper and correct thing to do.
But, I was hoping that she would surrender her rights, I was hoping that she would care enough to want contact with him, that I would not have to explain to Lil J one day that I don't know where she is or what happened to her :(
So, it is a huge change in the case, not one that I ever saw coming.
We talk about his mom. We tell him that he lived with his mom when he was a baby. This is usually in response to something that the girls do. He might say something like "remember when I was a baby......"
He knows that he has two moms, he knows that he came to live with us at about 3 years old, he knows that he mom loves him, bla bla bla.
Well, apparently, he thinks that his life is what happens to everyone. That you live with one mom as a baby, and then live with another when you get older. He keeps saying that when the girls get older, they are going to live with their other mom. It totally breaks my heart that he thinks this is the norm.
I have tried to explain to him that the girls are here to stay, and that HE is also here as part of our family. And, that the other mom was not able to take good care of him, which is why he is part of our family now. And, while he does not live with the other mom now, that she loves him very much.
He really doesn't have many memories from before he came to us, or at least he does not talk about anything. He came to us a month after his 3rd birthday, and really how many kids have memories from when they are 2 yrs old?
Ugh, heart crushing.
We are actually VERY concerned about his mother right now. There has been a strange twist in his case.
His mother is currently MISSING. Yup, she is missing. Because one reason or another, the visit schedule had changed back and forth between every week and every other week. On October 27, she had her last visit. At that time, the visits were to be every other week.
Well, since then, she has not contacted our caseworker at all. She is supposed to call 24 hours before a visit to confirm that she will be there. But, not only has she not called to confirm the visits (which were obviously cancelled), but her phone goes right to voicemail, she does not return phone calls, and 2 certified letters were never picked up from the post office.
So, short of driving out to her house, she is officially missing. It has been almost 2 months of no contact. And to be honest, I am concerned for her. Very concerned. Other than when he was first here, and she had no contact with the CW for 3-4 months, she has not just disappeared. Yes, she missed plenty of visits, didn't call to confirm a visit, etc. But, it has never been this long without contact of any kind.
Most of her missed visits were either because of no confirmation, or she would call and give a lame excuse.
My CW has been advised by her supervisor that they need to do an official "search" for her, which means sending more certified letters, more phone calls, checking hospitals, jails, etc.
In our state, one reason for termination of rights is abandonment. Since we are heading towards termination anyway, this will just be another item on the list which shows that termination is the proper and correct thing to do.
But, I was hoping that she would surrender her rights, I was hoping that she would care enough to want contact with him, that I would not have to explain to Lil J one day that I don't know where she is or what happened to her :(
So, it is a huge change in the case, not one that I ever saw coming.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
18 months, 1/3 of his life...
Lil J was placed with us on March 11, 2009. Today marks 18 months that he has been part of our family.
Since he came to us about 3 weeks after his 3rd birthday, that means that he has basically been with us for a THIRD of his life. It is amazing when you think about it as a math equation.
We still do not have termintation trial date - even though the petition was submitted back in April. The trial MIGHT happen before the end of the year. But, being that it is already Sept, I am not holding my breath. It would still be months after the termination trial that adoption would be finalized. So, it looks like he will be with us for well over 2 years when he is adopted.
At this point, there is no doubt that bio mom's rights will be terminated. Even after 18 months, she still has done nothing on her court ordered case plan.
I can't believe how much he has changed, how much our family has changed, how much my LIFE has changed.
We have had our ups and downs, but the pleasures out weigh the problems.
Since he came to us about 3 weeks after his 3rd birthday, that means that he has basically been with us for a THIRD of his life. It is amazing when you think about it as a math equation.
We still do not have termintation trial date - even though the petition was submitted back in April. The trial MIGHT happen before the end of the year. But, being that it is already Sept, I am not holding my breath. It would still be months after the termination trial that adoption would be finalized. So, it looks like he will be with us for well over 2 years when he is adopted.
At this point, there is no doubt that bio mom's rights will be terminated. Even after 18 months, she still has done nothing on her court ordered case plan.
I can't believe how much he has changed, how much our family has changed, how much my LIFE has changed.
We have had our ups and downs, but the pleasures out weigh the problems.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Speed....Speed....Speed
Lil J got this for Christmas, and it is finally warm enough for us to take it out.
We went to a local park where the parking lot is basically empty. He was totally into it. And, he figured out how to go in reverse, and even do K-Turns. Look Out!
Cora loved the car too (did not go anywhere though), and she loved watching Lil J.
OK, no matter how many times I loaded the slide show, nothing comes up (at least for me), so if you want to see the pics, just click on "View all images" :)
Monday, April 19, 2010
Request to terminate parental rights was submitted today
Now, while I would never wish that a mother (or father) would lose rights to their child - - - in this case it really is the right thing to do. I won't get into details for obvious reasons, but with her history over the last 9 years and 3 kids, and the "trouble" she has gotten into in the last 14 months - it really is the best for Lil J.
But, today is the day that they announced in court last month that the "Request to Terminate Parental Rights" would be submitted. It does not mean that they WILL be terminated, it is just the request. The caseworkers and lawyers submit detailed records of the reasons for removal and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that has happened, and has NOT happened the past 14 months. Basically, a report that details the reasons WHY rights should be terminated.
I even got confirmation last week from our adoption case worker that the request has been drafted and finalized and it was just a matter of sending it to the court.
It does not mean much, but it is a step in the direction of adoption by us.
The county where the case is has a long backlog of trials, court hearings, etc - so it could be MONTHS before we get a termination trial date. After the rights are terminated, Lil J would be available for adoption.
The caseworker had said something about the fact that once he is available for adoption, it is no longer under a certain county. And, I can request that the adoption take place in another county. Well, we do not live in the county where the case it, so we might do just that.
The case is in a very populated county, so it does not surprise me that they are backlogged. The county that we live in is farmland / rural. So, the caseload may not be too bad. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
So, just wanted to give an update
But, today is the day that they announced in court last month that the "Request to Terminate Parental Rights" would be submitted. It does not mean that they WILL be terminated, it is just the request. The caseworkers and lawyers submit detailed records of the reasons for removal and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that has happened, and has NOT happened the past 14 months. Basically, a report that details the reasons WHY rights should be terminated.
I even got confirmation last week from our adoption case worker that the request has been drafted and finalized and it was just a matter of sending it to the court.
It does not mean much, but it is a step in the direction of adoption by us.
The county where the case is has a long backlog of trials, court hearings, etc - so it could be MONTHS before we get a termination trial date. After the rights are terminated, Lil J would be available for adoption.
The caseworker had said something about the fact that once he is available for adoption, it is no longer under a certain county. And, I can request that the adoption take place in another county. Well, we do not live in the county where the case it, so we might do just that.
The case is in a very populated county, so it does not surprise me that they are backlogged. The county that we live in is farmland / rural. So, the caseload may not be too bad. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
So, just wanted to give an update
Thursday, March 11, 2010
It has been a year...
Lil J came into our home one year ago. The past year have been one of the most stressful yet rewarding year.
Of course over the last year, there have been many ups and downs. We delt with behavior problems, severe food issues, really bad things with the bio mom, court problems, the list goes on and on.
But, we also dealt with getting hugs and kisses, teaching a "broken" boy how to love, giving love to someone that some never thought was possible, seeing a little boy become a great big brother, and seeing excitement through the eyes of a child.
Our family is forever changed by this little boy - and not just MY family, but my parents, my sisters, my husband's family, extended cousins, etc, etc.
Our lives are forever changed by this little boy. Even if he were to go back to his mom (NOT likely), we feel as though the last year would forever change the rest of our lives.
OK - OK
enough sappy stuff
We had court the other day. Court was a Permancy Hearing. All the very bad stuff that has happened in the last year was brought up. The judge had gotten a (very) long write up of the case as well. Not only was the last year brought up, but also her long CPS history with other children, as well her entire criminal history.
At the end of the day, the judge DECLARED that it is unsafe and immoral to return the child to his mother (at this time). And the lawyers for CPS have until April 19th to submit the formal request to terminate her rights.
Although the request will be submitted, we still have a very long road ahead of us. Bio mom will probably contest the termination of rights, and then appeal the decision when they are terminated. etc etc.
There have been some issues with court - mainly due to the fact that bio mom lives in another state - and she is fighting certain jurisdiction issues. But, no matter what state, her issues would never allow her to get him back.
so, there is the update - sorry it was so long
Of course over the last year, there have been many ups and downs. We delt with behavior problems, severe food issues, really bad things with the bio mom, court problems, the list goes on and on.
But, we also dealt with getting hugs and kisses, teaching a "broken" boy how to love, giving love to someone that some never thought was possible, seeing a little boy become a great big brother, and seeing excitement through the eyes of a child.
Our family is forever changed by this little boy - and not just MY family, but my parents, my sisters, my husband's family, extended cousins, etc, etc.
Our lives are forever changed by this little boy. Even if he were to go back to his mom (NOT likely), we feel as though the last year would forever change the rest of our lives.
OK - OK
enough sappy stuff
We had court the other day. Court was a Permancy Hearing. All the very bad stuff that has happened in the last year was brought up. The judge had gotten a (very) long write up of the case as well. Not only was the last year brought up, but also her long CPS history with other children, as well her entire criminal history.
At the end of the day, the judge DECLARED that it is unsafe and immoral to return the child to his mother (at this time). And the lawyers for CPS have until April 19th to submit the formal request to terminate her rights.
Although the request will be submitted, we still have a very long road ahead of us. Bio mom will probably contest the termination of rights, and then appeal the decision when they are terminated. etc etc.
There have been some issues with court - mainly due to the fact that bio mom lives in another state - and she is fighting certain jurisdiction issues. But, no matter what state, her issues would never allow her to get him back.
so, there is the update - sorry it was so long
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Lil J's Race Car Birthday Party
We had a great time at Lil J's 4th birthday today. I ordered a "print-your-own" party kit and then added my own twist.
I loved how the swirled colorful cupcakes came out - got a great tutorial from THIS SITE
It worked out great, we had a car theme and I took that theme and just went with it, everyone loved it.
Lil J was SOOOO excited when everyone was singing Happy Birthday - we were thrilled to be able to share the excitment with him and our family.
Here are just a few pictures rom today, the order got all messed up because of the way they loaded, so they are kinda all over the place, but you get the idea :)
I loved how the swirled colorful cupcakes came out - got a great tutorial from THIS SITE
It worked out great, we had a car theme and I took that theme and just went with it, everyone loved it.
Lil J was SOOOO excited when everyone was singing Happy Birthday - we were thrilled to be able to share the excitment with him and our family.
Here are just a few pictures rom today, the order got all messed up because of the way they loaded, so they are kinda all over the place, but you get the idea :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Interesting conversation at the Photo Studio
Yesterday we went and got pics taken in a studio. Mainly for Lil J's b-day, but also threw Cora in the mix for some pictures. I wish I could share them, they came out really great. Bought WAY too many pictures and spent way too much money. It was the first time using this place - I am sure I will be back, but next time I will try harder not to get "suckered" into buying so much.
Lucky for me, we have lots of sisters that I am sure would love some pics :)
We had an interesting conversation with the woman who was taking the pictures.
She get her room set up and put Lil J wherever, tells him what to do, etc. She takes about 10 shots and then looks at the pics in her camera (guess looking to make sure light is good, good shots, etc). She says, "mom, he is squinting in a lot of them" where I reply - "oh, it is fine, don't worry about it"
She goes on to take many many pictures. I think in the end she took 75 pictures. She kept looking at the camera (again, making sure eyes not closed, good light, etc) When it came to view all the pics on the computer - she said, "mom, I am sorry - but it seems like I could not get too many where his eyes were not looking slanted or squinty"
I really just had to laugh. The reason why his eyes were slanted and squinty in the pics is because his eyes are slanted and squinty ON HIS FACE LOL.
Lil J is part Korean - He has blonde(ish) hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. Really the only thing that looks kinda korean is the shape of his eyes. And most of the time, you really can't tell. But, with a full smile, or a laugh, or when he is sick or tired, his eyes are "squinty".
But, what made the conversation interesting is what happened after I told the photographer that he is Korean. here is the conversation [paraphrased]:
Her: His eyes are squinty in most of the pics.
Me: I know - it is because he is korean, when he smiles big, his eyes look more almond shaped.
Her: He is asian? Would never have thought that.
Her: But???? You are not asian, right????
Her: And the baby does not look asian either. Hmm??
Me: Well, he is adopted (easier to say this than to explain the whole fost / adopt stuff)
It kinda went back and forth after that. She was never mean, or said anything hurtful, just confused I guess.
Now, Lil J is not biological to me - but there ARE people in the world that marry and have children outside of their own race. The thought never crossed her mind that I could have an asian husband or that was not mine biologically.
I am not saying that it was a bad conversation, just an interesting one
Lucky for me, we have lots of sisters that I am sure would love some pics :)
We had an interesting conversation with the woman who was taking the pictures.
She get her room set up and put Lil J wherever, tells him what to do, etc. She takes about 10 shots and then looks at the pics in her camera (guess looking to make sure light is good, good shots, etc). She says, "mom, he is squinting in a lot of them" where I reply - "oh, it is fine, don't worry about it"
She goes on to take many many pictures. I think in the end she took 75 pictures. She kept looking at the camera (again, making sure eyes not closed, good light, etc) When it came to view all the pics on the computer - she said, "mom, I am sorry - but it seems like I could not get too many where his eyes were not looking slanted or squinty"
I really just had to laugh. The reason why his eyes were slanted and squinty in the pics is because his eyes are slanted and squinty ON HIS FACE LOL.
Lil J is part Korean - He has blonde(ish) hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. Really the only thing that looks kinda korean is the shape of his eyes. And most of the time, you really can't tell. But, with a full smile, or a laugh, or when he is sick or tired, his eyes are "squinty".
But, what made the conversation interesting is what happened after I told the photographer that he is Korean. here is the conversation [paraphrased]:
Her: His eyes are squinty in most of the pics.
Me: I know - it is because he is korean, when he smiles big, his eyes look more almond shaped.
Her: He is asian? Would never have thought that.
Her: But???? You are not asian, right????
Her: And the baby does not look asian either. Hmm??
Me: Well, he is adopted (easier to say this than to explain the whole fost / adopt stuff)
It kinda went back and forth after that. She was never mean, or said anything hurtful, just confused I guess.
Now, Lil J is not biological to me - but there ARE people in the world that marry and have children outside of their own race. The thought never crossed her mind that I could have an asian husband or that was not mine biologically.
I am not saying that it was a bad conversation, just an interesting one
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Planning Kids Parties is So Much Fun!
So, I had to compromise about Lil J's b-day party. But, it is still going to be nice. I wanted a big party with all of our friends and close cousins, and of course family. My husband just wanted us (meaning the 5 of us) and maybe my parents and his parents.
So, we met kinda in the middle and are just having us, parents, siblings, and siblings kids. That number is still 35 - yup - we both have HUGE families. And to be honest, we are having it at our house, so anymore than that would have been pretty tight.
Plus, it is cold up here in the North East - so everyone would have to be IN our house.
Frank did make a good point - in normal situations, a kids b-day party would be just that - KIDS. And, more than likely it will be like that for future birthdays. So, it was a nice compromise. We can save the big party for when his adoption (fingers crossed) goes through.
Anyway, I have been having a blast planning the party - which right now is just in the planning stage. I used to LOVE doing it with Colin. Each year was a different theme and I would make decorations, kiddy favors, make up games, make the cake, and even made my own pinatas. It is amazing how far a pad of construction paper can go.
Of course, Colin has not let me do it in years, so it is fun to be able to do it again with Lil J.
For Lil J, the theme will be cars, not cars the movie (which he LOVES), but more like general cars. I figured it would be easier to create things in the general theme, than only with the movie stuff.
So, yay for kids parties :)
The party is not for another month, and I still have lots to paln, etc. I will of course share pictures of everything that we do. :)
So, we met kinda in the middle and are just having us, parents, siblings, and siblings kids. That number is still 35 - yup - we both have HUGE families. And to be honest, we are having it at our house, so anymore than that would have been pretty tight.
Plus, it is cold up here in the North East - so everyone would have to be IN our house.
Frank did make a good point - in normal situations, a kids b-day party would be just that - KIDS. And, more than likely it will be like that for future birthdays. So, it was a nice compromise. We can save the big party for when his adoption (fingers crossed) goes through.
Anyway, I have been having a blast planning the party - which right now is just in the planning stage. I used to LOVE doing it with Colin. Each year was a different theme and I would make decorations, kiddy favors, make up games, make the cake, and even made my own pinatas. It is amazing how far a pad of construction paper can go.
Of course, Colin has not let me do it in years, so it is fun to be able to do it again with Lil J.
For Lil J, the theme will be cars, not cars the movie (which he LOVES), but more like general cars. I figured it would be easier to create things in the general theme, than only with the movie stuff.
So, yay for kids parties :)
The party is not for another month, and I still have lots to paln, etc. I will of course share pictures of everything that we do. :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Wow - bad blooger. Our Intent to Adopt Letter
Wow - I am a bad blogger.
Lil J's case was changed to adoption. It really does not mean a heck of a lot, since bio still can work her plan. But with this change, we get another caseworker, and the time in our house then counts towards the minimum required time before adoption.
We had to submit a letter, basically putting it on record that we would like to adopt him.
Here is my letter. I did not delete the things that are specific to him, as it really does not have anything to do with his case (there is a lot more that I did not include in this letter, but in previous letters) I did delete the things that have to do with his mother.
I tried to keep it half "formal" and half casual - but not too sappy
We, the undersigned, are resource parents for Lil J . Please accept this letter as our official request to be considered as adoptive parents of Lil J.
Lil J was placed with us on March 11, 2009. On that day, he not only became part of our home, but part of our family. Therefore, we are requesting that the courts legally declare what we have felt in our hearts since day one.
At the time of his placement, Lil J had some behavior problems. One of which was severe food issues. He would eat large amounts of food and would cause himself to choke after almost every meal. Lil J was also climbing into cabinets, attempting to eat food out of the trashcan, taking any food within his reach, and eating anything he would find on the floor (crumbs, dirt, hair, etc).
Since he has been in our home, we have worked very hard to resolve Lil J’s food habits. He has come to understand that he will be fed on a regular basis and are pleased to say that he has made major improvements in this area.
In addition to the food issues, when Lil J was first placed with us he would throw a fit if you asked him to say please. When asked to say “Please”, he would scream, “NO” for about 15 minutes and would throw himself on the floor. It was very clear that, prior to living with us, he had some bad experience with this request.
Since in our care, we have used positive reinforcement with all manners and now Lil J is becoming a very polite child. It is something that we are committed to reinforcing throughout his life, and plan to teach him how to be a true gentleman.
We thoroughly enjoy having Lil J as part of our family. We have included him in all family activities and celebrations. Lil J loved meeting our VERY large extended family. In fact, we have almost 100 aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, nieces, and nephews that have welcomed him with open arms.
We have also taken trips to amusement parks, zoos, museums, and even spent some time on vacation at the New Jersey Shore. We plan to continue these excursions in the years to come and look forward to having Lil J make lasting memories with our family.
Our 15 year old son, Colin, really embraced the new role of big brother to Lil J. Lil J counts the minutes until he comes home from school and runs into his arms each and every time.
We also have an infant daughter, Cora. Cora was born in September 2009 and Lil J loves her very much. He had no problems giving his love and affection with the newest family member. He is very sweet towards her and never expressed any jealously issues at all.
Our family, including Lil J, has made so many changes since March 2009, and we would not change one minute of it.
If reunification with his mother is not possible, we would be honored to be considered as a permanent, adoptive home for Lil J.
Enclosed with this letter are several pictures of taken since his placement in our home.
Respectfully submitted,
Lil J's case was changed to adoption. It really does not mean a heck of a lot, since bio still can work her plan. But with this change, we get another caseworker, and the time in our house then counts towards the minimum required time before adoption.
We had to submit a letter, basically putting it on record that we would like to adopt him.
Here is my letter. I did not delete the things that are specific to him, as it really does not have anything to do with his case (there is a lot more that I did not include in this letter, but in previous letters) I did delete the things that have to do with his mother.
I tried to keep it half "formal" and half casual - but not too sappy
We, the undersigned, are resource parents for Lil J . Please accept this letter as our official request to be considered as adoptive parents of Lil J.
Lil J was placed with us on March 11, 2009. On that day, he not only became part of our home, but part of our family. Therefore, we are requesting that the courts legally declare what we have felt in our hearts since day one.
At the time of his placement, Lil J had some behavior problems. One of which was severe food issues. He would eat large amounts of food and would cause himself to choke after almost every meal. Lil J was also climbing into cabinets, attempting to eat food out of the trashcan, taking any food within his reach, and eating anything he would find on the floor (crumbs, dirt, hair, etc).
Since he has been in our home, we have worked very hard to resolve Lil J’s food habits. He has come to understand that he will be fed on a regular basis and are pleased to say that he has made major improvements in this area.
In addition to the food issues, when Lil J was first placed with us he would throw a fit if you asked him to say please. When asked to say “Please”, he would scream, “NO” for about 15 minutes and would throw himself on the floor. It was very clear that, prior to living with us, he had some bad experience with this request.
Since in our care, we have used positive reinforcement with all manners and now Lil J is becoming a very polite child. It is something that we are committed to reinforcing throughout his life, and plan to teach him how to be a true gentleman.
We thoroughly enjoy having Lil J as part of our family. We have included him in all family activities and celebrations. Lil J loved meeting our VERY large extended family. In fact, we have almost 100 aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, nieces, and nephews that have welcomed him with open arms.
We have also taken trips to amusement parks, zoos, museums, and even spent some time on vacation at the New Jersey Shore. We plan to continue these excursions in the years to come and look forward to having Lil J make lasting memories with our family.
Our 15 year old son, Colin, really embraced the new role of big brother to Lil J. Lil J counts the minutes until he comes home from school and runs into his arms each and every time.
We also have an infant daughter, Cora. Cora was born in September 2009 and Lil J loves her very much. He had no problems giving his love and affection with the newest family member. He is very sweet towards her and never expressed any jealously issues at all.
Our family, including Lil J, has made so many changes since March 2009, and we would not change one minute of it.
If reunification with his mother is not possible, we would be honored to be considered as a permanent, adoptive home for Lil J.
Enclosed with this letter are several pictures of taken since his placement in our home.
Respectfully submitted,
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Court Update
Lil J has been in care for 10 months now. We had court the other day. The court hearing was basically just to have on record certain things about the case.
Things like if his mom was working her plan, and if not where is was lacking. Also things like "new info" on the case, etc. It is basically a 5 minute hearing.
The 5 minute part is the most frustrating for me, since court was scheduled for 1 pm, and I was there until 5:30 before we got called. plus there was supossed to be a visit, for which mom did not show, so we were in that area since 11 am (left our house at 10am).
the judge is a pretty pro-child judge and does not take any BS from the bio parents. She was pissed that mom was not in court, especially since she was not in court the last time. she appeared by phone.
In addition to court, the state has a 10 month review of the case. At this time, the figure out where they think the case is going, detail any changes that are needed, and really put into record their observations on the case.
Well, since mom is not doing her plan (she is "trying" according to her and I loved it when the judge said, "well, trying and doing are 2 different things lol), and since she has gotten herself into additional trouble - well, they are looking to change visits to once every other week, instead of 1x a week.
plus, they will be officially changing the plan from reunificition/concurrent planning to adoption! Just because the plan changes does not mean that it will go to adoption. Once the plan is actually changed, the mom still has time to do her plan, but her plan requires some long term things, non of which have even been started.
Once the plan is changed, then we will be given an adoption caseworker.
We have to submit a letter asap stating our formal intent to adopt. I am sure it will be hard to write. We have to state our reasons for wanting to adopt him, and must also state the reasons why we SHOULD adopt him.
To have everything on paper and on record is a big step. Just wanted to share our update :)
Things like if his mom was working her plan, and if not where is was lacking. Also things like "new info" on the case, etc. It is basically a 5 minute hearing.
The 5 minute part is the most frustrating for me, since court was scheduled for 1 pm, and I was there until 5:30 before we got called. plus there was supossed to be a visit, for which mom did not show, so we were in that area since 11 am (left our house at 10am).
the judge is a pretty pro-child judge and does not take any BS from the bio parents. She was pissed that mom was not in court, especially since she was not in court the last time. she appeared by phone.
In addition to court, the state has a 10 month review of the case. At this time, the figure out where they think the case is going, detail any changes that are needed, and really put into record their observations on the case.
Well, since mom is not doing her plan (she is "trying" according to her and I loved it when the judge said, "well, trying and doing are 2 different things lol), and since she has gotten herself into additional trouble - well, they are looking to change visits to once every other week, instead of 1x a week.
plus, they will be officially changing the plan from reunificition/concurrent planning to adoption! Just because the plan changes does not mean that it will go to adoption. Once the plan is actually changed, the mom still has time to do her plan, but her plan requires some long term things, non of which have even been started.
Once the plan is changed, then we will be given an adoption caseworker.
We have to submit a letter asap stating our formal intent to adopt. I am sure it will be hard to write. We have to state our reasons for wanting to adopt him, and must also state the reasons why we SHOULD adopt him.
To have everything on paper and on record is a big step. Just wanted to share our update :)
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Got some good news yesterday
Lil J's case worker has changed yet again. this is number 3 since march.
Short Story:
Spoke to new CW, she will recommend adoption at the 10 month review!
Long Story:
I spoke to the new worker yesterday and went over some of the case details. There has been a lot going on with his mom and wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
In our state, each case has to be reviewed at the 10 month mark and it the actual plan for the child must be on record. Lil J has been in care since Feb (with us since march) so, 10 months would be Dec.
In our state, there could be 3 possible plans indicated:
1 - reunification. After this review, the child would make the transition to go back home. In this case, it is CLEAR that the bio parent(s) have done everything they can and followed all the rules, etc, etc, and there is no question that the child would be best if returned.
2 - concurrent planning. In this case, bios may have done some of their things, but still need more time to do everything. the caseworker may be unsure if the child will be returned to the bios.
3 - Adoption. this can be the plan for several reasons. If the bios have done nothing and basically abandoned their child (have not visited and have not contacted caseworkers). the bios could be doing a very small part of their court order and the worker feels a though they will not do anything (or enough) to get the kids back. There can be changes in the case that make reunification difficult. The caseworker is pretty sure that the kids will not go back
But, just because adoption is "declared', it does not mean that the bios still can't work their plan. but they would have to do a lot in a short amt of time. time lines get extended all the time.
Well - the 10 months is in December and his case worker is going to recommend adoption. His mom has not only NOT been following her court order at all (except for visits), but she has gotten herself into additional legal trouble (pretty bad stuff) . All of these things kinda only point in one way.
The caseworker explained this to his mom, told her that adoption was going to be her recommendation, etc, etc. the mom seemed indifferent about it. She also has been down this road 2x before, so it is not like she does not know how the system works.
So, yay for us! The CW had to confirm that we are interested in adopting him. Because if we weren't then after the review, he would be moved to a pre-adoptive home. Of course it will still be a very long while. But, we are excited (for us) that things might go towards adoption.
I do feel bad for his mom, she has some really serious issues in her life, issues that are never good for anyone.
Short Story:
Spoke to new CW, she will recommend adoption at the 10 month review!
Long Story:
I spoke to the new worker yesterday and went over some of the case details. There has been a lot going on with his mom and wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
In our state, each case has to be reviewed at the 10 month mark and it the actual plan for the child must be on record. Lil J has been in care since Feb (with us since march) so, 10 months would be Dec.
In our state, there could be 3 possible plans indicated:
1 - reunification. After this review, the child would make the transition to go back home. In this case, it is CLEAR that the bio parent(s) have done everything they can and followed all the rules, etc, etc, and there is no question that the child would be best if returned.
2 - concurrent planning. In this case, bios may have done some of their things, but still need more time to do everything. the caseworker may be unsure if the child will be returned to the bios.
3 - Adoption. this can be the plan for several reasons. If the bios have done nothing and basically abandoned their child (have not visited and have not contacted caseworkers). the bios could be doing a very small part of their court order and the worker feels a though they will not do anything (or enough) to get the kids back. There can be changes in the case that make reunification difficult. The caseworker is pretty sure that the kids will not go back
But, just because adoption is "declared', it does not mean that the bios still can't work their plan. but they would have to do a lot in a short amt of time. time lines get extended all the time.
Well - the 10 months is in December and his case worker is going to recommend adoption. His mom has not only NOT been following her court order at all (except for visits), but she has gotten herself into additional legal trouble (pretty bad stuff) . All of these things kinda only point in one way.
The caseworker explained this to his mom, told her that adoption was going to be her recommendation, etc, etc. the mom seemed indifferent about it. She also has been down this road 2x before, so it is not like she does not know how the system works.
So, yay for us! The CW had to confirm that we are interested in adopting him. Because if we weren't then after the review, he would be moved to a pre-adoptive home. Of course it will still be a very long while. But, we are excited (for us) that things might go towards adoption.
I do feel bad for his mom, she has some really serious issues in her life, issues that are never good for anyone.
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