Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Major Update

We have court today. The whole bio father thing is getting on my nerves. It keeps getting pushed back, postponed, etc.

But, today is the day. He is flying up today and has told my CW, and his attorney, that he will be doing a surrender today. This has been said before though. He was actually suposed to do a surrender back in March at mediation.


This turned out really long. Short Story - Lil J is LEGALLY FREE!!!!!

Long Story:

Sorry I could not update sooner. We had a follow up dr appointment for Elsie, so basically I walked in the door, and had to leave again. Then the doc went over schedule, then we had to dinner, baths, etc, etc.

Bio Dad, was being flown from out of state, and then being taken directly to the court house. This alone was annoying since we can not control the airlines, etc.

We were scheduled for 11am, and the judge knew about the case and knew about the circumstances, etc, etc, and was basically "holding up session" to wait and hear us. His caseload is very light since he is retiring at the end of the month. At this point, he is just wrapping things up.

Anyway, he did not get to the courthouse until almost 11:30. Then he had to meet with his attorney.

We went into the courtroom and he did in fact do the full surrender! I didn't think it would be emotional for me, since he has had no relationship at all. But, it was! the attorney went over all the questions on the surrender forms, making sure he understood everything, and made sure he was there on his free well, bla bla bla. All very legal wording, etc.

But, then the judge asked him very similar questions, but in a converstation tone. The judge asked why he was surrendering. His answer really just broke my heart. He admitted that he was irresponsible in his life, selfish, and immature. He also said he wanted to do what was best for Lil J, that he LOVES that he is with a great family, and that he loves him so much, even though he has never met him.

He also went on and on about how he is not in a position emotionally, mentally, physically to raise a child - let alone as a single father. He wanted Lil J to grow up with people who loved him, and not (someone like him) who essentially didn't care enough to step up to the plate (his word, not mine).

The judge them made it clear that this is not reversible at all, and those words really sunk in for him. I was sitting directly behind him, but I could hear his voice cracking as he spoke. It was very emotional.

When the judge said, "I accept your surrender, and since bio mom has already been terminated, said minor is legally free to be adopted" - I was in tears.

After court, just me and the bio dad went for coffee. We chatted for over 2 hours, just taking. It was weird that it was not weird. He was easy to talk to. We talked about his life (current and past), we talked about his relationship with Lil J's mother, we talked about my family, we talked about Lil J, we talked about everything in between.

The funny, totally non-expected thing that happened today was that I paid his cell phone bill - kinda. When he arrived at court, he told the CW that his phone would be turned off any mintute for non-payment. Having a hard time right now would only barely describe his life right now.

Well, during the time we were in session, he phone was indeed turned off. He was flying back today (in and out same day) - and everyone knows how bad it is not to have a phone, especially when traveling. He flat out asked me if I could pay the bill if he gave me the cash. He gave me the cash and I paid the bill. I can say that this was never in my head as something I would be doing today. It is not like he had my card #, it was done all on the phone, it was only a one time charge, and he did give me the cash. Totally random, I know.

Like I said, we talked about everything. Then he dropped a bombshell on me. He was told about 6 months ago that he has several spots on his lungs, this was in the ER, and he was given the name and number of several specialists. He has done nothing since then, since he has no insurance and has been denied state care. How the hell he was denied, is beyond me. I mean - you have not job, no savings, and have a heath issues.

It was a lot to take in.

After our chat, he hugged. And, again - not weird.

He had to go back to the office to fill out some additional paperwork - his medical info, a letter to Lil J, take a pic for his life book, etc All of these things were requested previously

My CW is coming tomorrow and we will officially start the adoption process. I told my husband that I will buy extra pens just so that we can fill out everything on our end tomorrow night. lol I mean, I know it will still be several months before we finalize. But, might as well do our part as soon as possible.

If you got this far, wow - you were committed lol. Thanks for reading. It is a good day for our family.


Jackie said...

Amy I beyond happy for you and your family! Congratulations!

SaraAugy said...

Congrats Amy!! I'm so happy for you and your family!!


AMY! what wonderful news. I can't believe what a long process this is - you've had two biological children during this whole thing! You are all so blessed to have one another. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Amy - what thrilling news. I have followed your saga with infertility and then the girls and Lil J. So excited that he is about to be "yours" in every sense of the word. Congratulations!

Lana said...

Congratulations Amy! I have been following your story for a very long time. What a wonderful bittersweet day!!

Anonymous said...

Soooooo incredibly excited for you!!!! ;)

Mama said...

I've been following this story for quite awhile and I have been waiting for this day! So many congrats to you and your whole family!

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