Wednesday, January 30, 2008

So far - no headache

I know I am jinxing myself for even saying it. But, so far (since about 7 last night) the Clomid headache is gone. Who knows if it was even from the clomid - it could have been a plain old bad headache.

So, by now I have taken 3 days worth of clomid - I take them at night so today would be day 4 and tomorrow is my last set of pills.

I have to remember to take the antibiotics tomorrow in prep for my HSG on Friday. I have been told by my doctor that the HSG machine in their office is a state of the art machine and the HSG will take less than a minute - and that actual HSG procedure will only take 10-15 seconds - I guess the prep stuff takes 45 seconds.

I can't wait to report on that. I think I might actually time it - just for kicks. Here's praying for nice clear tubes!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Clomid Headaches Suck!

I had no side effects from the first 2 cycles of clomid (1st was 50 mg - 2nd was 100mg)

This cycle is another 100mg cycle. I have only taken 2 pills so far, I have had a headache since about 12 hours after I took the first pill. Tylenol does nothing. It feels like my left eye will pop out of my head any minute now.

I guess in the end it will be worth it

Monday, January 28, 2008

I feel like a bad mom

I really feel like a horrible mom.

I won't go into details beacuse I would like to keep a lot of private. But, I feel like I failed Colin somehow. There is a situation that seems to repeat itself over and over again.

Colin is a GOOD kid - he really is. But, it seems like what is going on is my fault - I know it is not, but I can't help but think that if I raised him different, or was a stay at home mom, or only worked part time, etc that thing would be a little different.

This has NOTHING to do with my marriage - or my husband, it is something that has been going on for about 6 years.

We keep having the same converstion over and over again, things change for about a week and then they go right back the way they were. This has been going on for years now. It seems like it is never getting better. I seriously think that because he is a cute kid, polite most of the time, a little boy, etc that people let him get away with so much more.

It is hard to write about this without full disclosure. But, it upsets me so much to even think about it. I try to be calm with him. I remember how much I HATED my father. Hated the way he spoke to me. Hated the way he belittled me. I NEVER want Colin to feel that way about me.

I have a bad temper sometimes, I think I am sometimes too hard on Colin. Things have to be said, I just hope he won't hate me in the end.

I have looked into getting some additional help for this situation, but most things are so much more extreme that what I think we need right now. Right now, I am at a loss about how to help him. I have tried so much already.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Concerned about IUI timing

I went in for CD3 stuff today. Everthing looks good.

I was originally going to do clomid 3-7, then go in on CD11 for u/s and bloodwork and then probably do trigger on cd 12 (evening) and IUI on CD14 (this is assuming that everything goes according to "plan"

So, my office is actually a satelite office of many offices - which is not a problem.

But, today the doc said the I have to do clomid on CD 5-9 and then go back to the office on CD13 for u/s and bloodwork. - this is mainly because my office is not open on the weekends.

If I trigger on the evening of CD13, there is a possibility that I could ovulate on my own with just the clomid on CD14 - right?. So if I have the IUI 36 hrs after trigger then that would be CD15, and I could have missed my window.

The nurse did not seemed worried, so I am not sure if I should be worried.

If you take clomid 5-9, instead of 3-7, maybe you ovualte later than CD14? I hope so. I would really hate to mess up my first IUI because of a timing problem.

I asked if I should bring the trigger with me on CD13. I guess if I am ready to trigger on CD13 at the appointment, then I would do so and then still have the IUI on CD14 (24 hours after trigger)

I know the RE knows what he is talking about - and I don't want to question his authority, the timing just makes me nervous.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

IUI # 1 is a go

Today is CD 1. I knew this cycle was a bust. Now, I am not sure if I am upset because I got my period, or happy that I did.

Let me explain. Of course I am disappointed that I am not pregnant - so this is where I would be upset for my period. But, I DID get my period.

Why I am happy I got my period:

1 - Ovulating in itself is a great thing for me.
2 - Getting my period means I do not need meds to force a period
3 - This is my second period with a 31/32 day cycle - which is SOOOO much better than 110 days
4 - My Luteal Phase (LP) was the normal range (13 days)
5 - I am now moving on with a plan.

So, as you can see, getting my period is not the end of the world. I will go on with my plan and try to stay positive.

So, here is my plan for this cycle:

Today = CD1
Friday = CD3; bloodwork and U/S & CD3-CD7 = Clomid 100 mg
Feb 1st = CD 10; HSG (not happy about this timing because it means no sex until then)
Feb 2nd = CD 11; bloodwork and U/S to check lining and follies (I hope there is enough)
Feb 3rd or Feb 4th = CD 12/13; possible trigger with Ovidrel
Feb 5th??? = CD14; possible IUI

Now, since in the past I did not do well with the Clomid, I am hoping that since now my cycles seem to be a little more in check I will respond better this time.

I do not want too many follies because I would hate to cancel the IUI. So, for now, the trigger and IUI dates are just tenative.

Of course, I will keep this blog posted with updates

Monday, January 21, 2008

I'm sure this cycle is a bust

I am 12 dpo and it still is a BFN. I have been cramping since I got the postive OPK so I doubt this cycle is going to work. I just don't feel it. I know, I know, you are not out until you get your period, but I am counting this cycle as a bust.

Next cycle will be my first IUI. So, if this cycle is busted, at least we are moving foward with treatments.

Speaking of which. First a disclaimer - yes, I know it is great to have IF insurance...I am very greatful for that. There are so many woman that have to pay our of pocket...which is going to make the following complaint seem petty. But, it is still a frustration that I am dealing with. I KNOW others who have to pay out of pocket have to deal with so much more.

Only part of my meds are available through my local pharmacy. All injectables are only covered by a "mail-order" pharmacy. And only one.

So, in the past two weeks I have been dealing with crappy customer service reps. I have gotten mis-information, call disconnects, flat out rudeness, etc. Thank God I decided to fill the meds right away instead of waiting for the actual IUI cycle. It has taken 10 days to finally receive confirmation that the meds are covered and will be shipped to me. If I waited until CD1 or CD2 to order the meds, (and based on the same turn-around time) my meds would only get here on the day that I would need to start them (approx day 12/13). So, frustrating.

Plus, don't these people know that IF makes people (well me at least) total biotches?!?!?! I just can't deal with crappy customer service at this time.

I do have to say that once I got a hold of the IF customer Service area - well, all was well. She calmed me down. When over some mis-information. You can tell that only the nice people work in the IF area.

So, at least the meds are on their way.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Yeah I tested....whatever

Did you really think I would hold out until Sunday. Nah....I knew I would get a BFN - I mean it is only 9 dpo. I guess another reason why I like to test early is a negative test doesn't seem too upsetting. It's like...duh, I knew it would be negative. So, when I do get my really will seem like a shock.

On another note, I am so excited to be meeting some ladies from theNest. We are meeting in the city for lunch. I have done this locally with just NJ nesties and I love that I can have a regular conversation and not have to explain terminology or anything. I am EXCITED!!!!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Accuracy of Early Pregnancy Tests

I know you can test as early as 10 DPO and get a possible +HPT. I love to test early. In 15 months I have only gotten negative results. Of course I get disappointed, but I guess if the result was postive I would be glad that I knew so early.

So, here is a list of the accuracy of early HPTs

HPT Accuracy Results Percentages: (Based on a 25mIU sensitive test)
10 dpo : 35%
11 dpo : 51%
12 dpo : 62%
13 dpo : 68%
14 dpo : 74%
15 dpo : 80%
16 dpo : 88%
17 dpo : 92%

I am only 8DPO so I still have a few days before I can possibly test. But, I will probably only use the internet cheapies for a few days and then use the FRER later on and only if I get a positive on the cheapies.

Monday, January 14, 2008


I am so hoping that this is it for us. We have an IUI with Met/Clomid/trigger scheduled for next cycle if this cycle is a bust. As much as I would be OK with an IUI, a huge part of me still wants to get pregnant without any assistance.

It does feel good to have an actual plan after 15 months, and I am glad that I made the RE appointment.

When the RE flat out said, "yup, you definately ovuluated on your right side" it really gave me hope that it would work this cycle. Our timing was perfect, but I really think that the stress kind of gave my husband some "performance anxiety" so we will have to wait and see.

I like to test early, but I have a GTG with some T-TTC nesties on 10, I will probably not test that day. So the earliest I will test will be 11dpo on Sunday.

It is nice to be under the care of an RE. If I do get pregnant this cycle, he will monitor me until I am released to an OB. So, I will probaby still have betas and a possible early U/S. That was one of the main questions I asked at my first appointment.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

1st RE Visit

I think the first RE appointment could have been VERY overwhelming if I did not have a lot of knowledge beforehand.

First - I liked the doctor and the office staff are great. The nurses really seemed like the cared and answered all my questions.I met with Dr. Darder first to go over my history. He looked at the bloodwork that was done at my OBGYN and answered some general questions.

After the little Q&A session, it was off to the internal U/S where he verified that I did in fact ovualte on my right side.

Then, he printed an u/s sound picture to show me the classic "ring of pearls" around both of my ovaries. Yup, PCOS. And I guess based on my bloodwork, he is thinking insulin resistant PCOS.

He is also concerned that I probably have scar tissue from when my appendix was removed (only 2 months prior to TTC). My appendix was badly infected and was cryptic (full of holes).

He was also concerned that I may have scar tissue on my cervix from when I had abnormal cells removed or that the cervix might not be producing enough CM because of the damage to the cervix. So, after all that, he is recommending IUI from the start.

That said, if I am lucky enough to get pregnant this cycle, then we will not have to worry about any thing.

But, if I am not pregnant, here is the plan:

Starting today- Metformin 1000mg 2x a day
CD 3: Bloodwork and U/S
CD 3-7: Clomid 100mg
CD 5-10 HSG
CD 11: Follie Check & bloodwork
trigger with Ovidrel

It is a lot to take in all at once. The IUI was kind of what I was expecting....but I really did not think pcos or the other stuff. So, I guess it is good to have a plan now.

Oh - I also asked them about the 2 year thing. They said that all stuff leading upto IVF do not need approval. Only IVF is considered "treatment" so if we get to that point, it will probably be close to 2 years. So, basically everything is covered. There are a few IVF things that are not covered, but I guess we will have to make some decisions if we have to go that route.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

First RE Appointment is tomorrow

I am not nervous about it , I guess. But, I called my health insurance yesterday just to be certain that I do not need a referral...I don't. BUT, when I was talking to them, they imformed me that their definition of IF is 2 YEARS of trying.....not the one year that I was originally told and totally not what the medical term of IF means.

I asked them how they know if has been two years....expecially since we have only had this insurance company since Aug 1, 2007.

The woman on the phone said that the inital consultation is covered, it just would be the treatment that would fall under the "trying for two years" crap. And after the consultation, the doctor sends the insurance company a letter about what the problem may be, the types of tests needed, the course of action to be taken, etc. The insurance company bases it's answer on what the doctor tells them regarding how long we have been trying. They also said that they are not able to verify things that occur in your personal life - just what the doctor says.

So, now I am thinking that since they have no access to my payment records (from the payment of BCP) since this is a new insurance company maybe I can swing it.

Plus, I have been trying since 2006, so this is actually the 3rd calendar year that we are trying (2006, 2007, 2008) - maybe the doctor could be slick in the wording so that it is up to interpretation. I am in my second year of tying, so maybe 2 years is that interpretation.

Plus I found out that even if it is approved, it could take 30-45 days for that approval. Which means it could be another 2 months to start any type of testing and/or treatment.

I am so wishing that I get pregnant this cycle (positive OPK yesterday) and I do not have to go through this crap with the insurance.

Yes, I know we can pay out of pocket....and I know a lot of women do. But, as many of you know, it is really expensive and if the insurance will pay for it, I guess I will just have to wait.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Call me a crazy lady....

I posted this afternoon about a positive digital OPK. I was so excited because I was unsure of the results from last night.

And because I am a crazy lady, I tested again with the Answer Brand and the cheapie internets ones when I got home......

......and this is what I got. Totally positve on both tests!

Digital is the way to go : )

Someone suggested to me to use a digital OPK - they could not have been more right. I still can't believe how EXPENSIVE they are.

this is what you call a positive digital OPK. I used the Clearblue Easy Digital OPKs. They were $26.99 (YIKES) for 7. I am hoping that I will have 6 left over and not have to use any next month.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Why I hate OPKs

This is why I hate OPKs. I really think the top one is a negative - I have gotten the same results a few days in a row. The lines are SOOOO close in color that it is really hard to tell if it is positive. Since the one on the bottom is negative (same sample used); I really think the top one is also negative.

Last month when I got a very strong positve, it was VERY obvious (second picture). I know I should just give in a use digital, but they are so damn expensive.

Today - CD 16

Last Month - a VERY positve result. After 5 minutes (the end of the test time) the result was the same; but the picture came out crappy.

No big win for me :(

I lost all but $4 that I broght with me to Atlantic City. I know you have to think that you are coming home with no money, but most people are hopeful that they will gome home winning SOMETHING.

On another note, last week I posted that my AC trip would fall on CD 13, 14, & 15. Last month I got a postive OPK on day 19 and 20, so if I ovulated it was propably on CD 19. I was hoping that it would be the same this month......especially since I would not be around on CD 13,14 & 15.

So, I took a OPK on the 11th and 12th....maybe it is the brand, because it seems like it is possibly positive most of the time. I am using the Answer Strip OPKs. I am actually using the answer and a cheapie internet one. Well, on CD 12 I got what looked like a possible positive OPK (lines looked to be the same color) on the Answer and a clearly negative on the internet cheapie (used the same "sample") - so to be on the safe side, we DTD on Thursday (CD12).

I got the same results on CD13, 14, & 15 - so either the Answer brand is just really sensitive and has hard to tell negatives or the cheapies ones are crappy.

Last month when I got the very positive OPK on the was a very obvious positive. So, I will still do OPKs until both the Answer Brand and the Internet Cheapie are both the same result.

Friday, January 4, 2008

If you don't hear from me again......

It is because I hit it big in Atlantic City!!!! Just kidding, I mean how much could I really win playing $0.05 slots.

Every year my sisters and I take my mom "away" for the weekend. In previous years, it has been to CT and the casinos there. One of my sisters used to live there so it made sense.

That sister has moved back home and now we are doing the casinos in AC instead. It works out really well because my parents have a house less than 30 minutes from AC.

So, we are going down today after work and coming home on Sunday sometime. It will be nice to have a girls weekend! :)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Note to self......

Note to self.......fall down a flight of stairs, get an x-ray.

Colin broke his arm........a week ago.

Colin goes sees his father twice a year (yup, I said twice, but that is another story). We meet in Scranton, PA (he lives upstate, NY). This is about 1 hr 15 minutes from me and about 2 hours from him.

As we were getting ready to leave last week (day after Christmas), Colin fell down the entire flight of stairs. All 14 of them. He cried and cried and I put some ice on it and gave him some tylenol. He father does not have a cell phone so I could not call him to let me know that I might have to bring him to the drs. Colin is the biggest drama queen, so I just though he was being overly dramatic. So, we went to drop him off. I told his father what happen, and told him that if it still bothered him that he should bring him to the dr. Well, he comes home yesterday and still says his arm hurts.

So, last night I bring him to an urgent care place - mainly just to shut him up....totally thinking is was just bruised. Well, they take the x-ray and it is a complete break right through the bone AND the bone is shifted a little so we need to go to an orthopedic asap. It is the bone between the elbow and shoulder and the break is about 1-2 inches from the shoulder. Apparently a very bad place to break.

So, today we bring him to the orthopedic. Yup - broken. But not as bad as they made it sound yesterday. The doctor called it a buckle fracture. There is a little bubble at the crack site, but he does not think it is shifted.

Since it is in a bad spot, they can not cast it. So, he is just in a shoulder sling for the next 3 weeks and then we have to another x-ray. In the meantime, no sports. OH Boy is he pissed.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Sad Day

A woman that I know lost her son today. He was one of her triplets. He was taken too soon. He only lived a few short months.

But, in those short months, he was one of the most loved baby boys in the whole wide world.

I will pray for her and her family every day.
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