Friday, May 30, 2008
If you want to look me up, the e-mail address on file is mycolony1 at yahoo dot com. Just don't send me an e-mail at that address. It is only for stuff like this. I have 1000's of e-mails sent there a day.
The Meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure.
It's a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. His words were- For Sale: baby shoes, never worn.
Here are the rules:
- Write your own six word memoir.
- Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
- Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
- Tag five more blogs with links.
- And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!
I have never been tagged before - and it seems like this one is pretty hard. I really thought about my 6 words. Six words to describe my life. I again thought the same way that Lisa thought - there are many things that define my life.
But after I thought about it, I came up with:
Cherish Today - Because Tomorrow it's Yesterday.
I actually remember writing something similar in my HS yearbook.
I really try not to have regrets in life. I remember seeing a quote somewhere that said, "Life Is What Happens When You Are Making Other Plans"
Life is a road trip. Sometimes you make a wrong turn, sometimes you find a shortcut, sometimes your destination changes. But, I always enjoy the ride.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
So, I think I might just stop testing. I only have 2 or 3 cheapie tests left anyway. So, I might not waste them because the chance of a positive test is slim to none.
But - If it turns out that I am pregnant - I would be SHOCKED!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I know, I know - I say it all the time. You are not out until a negative beta. I would love to follow that advice myself - but I really doubt this will be a successful cycle - which I am fine with. I just want to move on if it is negative.
I am on progesterone so that probably means that I will not get my period until after I stop taking it. So, I have to wait until Friday to get my negative beta and then get the instuctions to stop the progesterone.
And before anyone says, "maybe you just ovulated late" - if that is the case than this cycle is busted without a doubt.
I was out of town on the day that I ovulated. We did what we had to do right before I left (day of trigger). so, if I ovulated late, then there is basically no chance at all. Even if my husband had super duper sperm - the likihood of them living 7 days is slim to none.
I knew this cycle would be a "hoping a praying" cycle anyway - it still sucks that even with meds, we just can't get it right.
Next cycle will be IUI again. Not sure if I will just deal with the clomid side effect, ask for femara, or do injectables. The only thing that "scares" me about injectables is amount of monitoring appointments. Yes, I know I am lucky to have insurance. Trust me I KNOW! But, paying a large co-pay for each office visit get really expensive when you have so many appointments in a cycle.
If in fact this cycle is busted, I will talk to the doctor on my Cd 3 testing.
Unlike last time, if (when) I get a postive, I will post it here.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Anyway - today is 8 dpo. I am on progesterone - which many IF woman knows how that is taken. For those who don't - well, let's just say it is not taken by mouth LOL.
So, apparently my body must be the "perfect" sample. Yeah, perfect sample for side effects. Want to know if a certain drug will have side effects - just send it my way. I will probably have many to report.
In addition to the fact that the meds make me completely tired, it is doing weird things to me. Of course my boobs hurt, I have bloating, headaches (could still be from the clomid though), night sweats, etc.
Lucky me. I hope this will be worth it in the end.
I had my Progesterone tested the other day. I have to assume it was OK, my clinic only calls if there is a problem.
My beta is scheduled for May 30 - But I will probably start testing on Sunday or Monday (10dpo, 11,dpo). Last time I did not get a postive until later in the day on 11 dpo. I guess we will just have to wait and see.
OK - Over the past several years we have had a tutor for Colin. I am not 100% sure that it really worked. But, it told Colin that we were serious about his school work and was something that we had to do.
When we moved to NJ I thought this would be the perfect time to have a fresh start. Colin had just finished 5th grade in NY and been having such a hard time - socially, education wise, etc
I spoke to the new school and asked if we could just keep him in the 5th grade. A couple of reasons:
1) I thought is would be the perfect time - nobody knew him so would not know that he got "held back"
2) He was young - so again, no one would know that he did not belong in the 5th grade
3) He was small - again, no one would question it.
I got the same response (AGAIN) - his test scores to not warrant him repeating the same grade.
So, let's get to middle school. His school uses this program called K12 Planet. Basically what it is is an on-line program that lists all his classes, all his assignments, all his grades.
You are thinking, "Wow, what a great tool". This is good and bad. If Colin was doing some of the assignments, or doing OK on tests, well, then I would get his report card and say "an 80 - good, but I know you can do better"
But, instead, I see missing homeworks, assignments that are not handed in, test scores. So, when I see that he gets a 100 on several tests, and then has 4 missing homeworks - it is really apparent why he has a 75 average in the class.
Any missing homeworks are an automatic score of 0. His school has a policy in place that homework must be handed in on the date it is due. If returned late, there is no partial credit.
So, I have been using K12 planet to check up on Colin's progress.
It is always the same arguement - "Colin, why are you not handing in homework" - "Why are you lying to me when I ask if you have any homework" - "Can't you see that the only reason you are failing is because of homework".
I try to explain to him that if you get 100's on tests but get 0's on homework that you can possibly do very bad in the class.
We have this conversation about every 2-3 weeks, after every progress report, after every report card.
Every month I have to send a letter to each teacher asking for the assignments that he is missing. I know he will not get credit for them (school policy) - but I still WANT THEM DONE!
I am at my witts end - I can't keep having this conversation.
About Feb of last year I told him that he was not going to get to the 8th grade - that his grades were too bad and his attitude towards school was not any better.
He did in fact get to the 8th grade.
Now, I don't think that he will EVER make it in High School. High school will swallow him whole.
We have an appointment with his guidance counselor on Tuesday to discuss everything again. I doubt I will get anywhere. I have had the same conversation with the counselor as well. Nothing is ever done. The last time we had a meeting, I wanted him re-evaluated - I was told that he is probably just lazy and that the testing process is a long one.
Right now Colin is failing 3 classes - so it is possible that he will fail 8th grade all on his own.
I know I totally skipped a few years but it is the same story over and over again so I guess I would just be repeating myself.
So, there it is - probably something that I NEVER thought I would share with the general public. Mainly because I think it makes me look like a bad mom.
Who knows - the posts may be deleted.
Thanks for reading if you read this far :)
Thursday, May 22, 2008
So - Colin was evaluated through his school for all types of learning disabilities.
He scored a 32 on the scale that measures dyslexia. But, if you read below, you would see that this is "normal" - even though all his other scores were in the 90's.
So, the school told me that if I had him evaluated privately and got different results the would have to honor these results.
Now, keep in mind, these tests and evaluations take a long time. So, from the time that I wrote the first letter to the results was MONTHS!
So, I decided to have him evaulated on our own. I tried to get an EI evaluation, but at this point he was too old.
So, I went to his doctor who recommended a neurologist. Well, this would not be covered under my medical insurance. I had to pay $2500 out of my own pocket. $2500 is a lot of money for a single mom who is struggling to make ends meet.
I can't really tell you where I got the money. Maybe I just got my tax return or something - but I paid for it.
We got almost the IDENTICAL results that the school did. All the scores were +/- 1 or 2.
So, for the test that measures dyslexia - well he got a 31 this time.
There was nothing for me to do (through the school system that is).
So, since the school could do nothing, I found a reading tutor for Colin. This tutor was a Special Education teacher in another school district. But, she was very familar with the course guide of our school.
She worked with him on his writing skills, tried teaching some phonics, did test prep, etc. She even did "therapy" to correct his handwriting. This tutor also gave me some advice on how to help him with school.
Colin went to this tutor for years! Now, even though I could not get any help from the school, I did my own research on dyslexia and dysgraphia. And, I worked with Colin one on one outside of what the tutor was doing.
But, (and these is where I sound like a horrible mom) I worked a full time job. So, I did not have lots and lots of time to work with him. It would only be about 1/2 - 1 hour a day. It was all that I could do.
Again, throughout each grade, he spent the entire year trying to catch up to the rest of his grade. He received passing grades, and "average" scores on his standardized tests. Never enough to hold him back.
In 4th grade he was part of a program in school. I can't remember the name. But, it would pull kids out of class and have a reading program in a small group. Colin did not have an IEP - this was available to any student that the teacher thought needed some extra help.
I talked to the teachers about holding him back. He was obviously behind the other kids, he was small, he was kind of immature. I did not think that it would really be such a big deal.
Well, none of the teachers would reccommend him to repeat the year. He is where the "he is such a sweet boy" is presented over and over again.
His teachers said that his scores and grades did not warrent a repeat year. Really???? He tries his absolute hardest and he is just an average student? And I am not saying that average is not good enough. It is hard to explain. I can't type what I really mean.
He is a smart kid - really smart. He can recite things about animals that I have never heard of. He can tell an amazing story that is so imaginative that he could be a movie. He can create poetry. He can memorize anything that he heard just once. He can do complex math problems in his head.
Do you see a pattern? Read it again.
None of what I wrote is in written form. It is all in his head.
That is enough for now. If you have read both posts to the end - Thank you for reading
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I may delete the entire thing....who knows.
I do want to ask that no one comments on this post....I know I am a good mother and I know things will work out....
Let's see, where to start (again - this will be long and will probably jump around ALOT)
Colin is born on Nov 1st. The cut-off for school in our state (at the time) was December 31. But, if I lived in the next state over, then Colin would miss the cut-off for school by 2 hours. Yup, I said 2 hours. In most parts of the next state, the cut-off to start school ins Oct 31. Well, Colin was born at 2 in the morning - so missing the cut-off by 2 hours.
OK - let's back up a little. Colin did not start speaking until he was 3 years old. Back then there really was not EI. And I really did not think about it too much. He is a late speaker - big deal. He got by just fine. I knew he understood me.
He was in Kindergarten at 4 years 10 months. Well, it was brought to my attention that the school does not use phonics to teach the kids to read. They use a program called "whole word". Well, it was apparent that Colin did not do too well with whole word. And because this was the way he was taught, he really did not know phonics either.
I noticed that by the end of kindergarten, he was not reading yet. It seemed that based on the items hanging in the classroom that the other kids were reading and writing at a much higher level.
Colin has ALWAYS been a super sweet boy. So, I think his teachers let him get away with certain things because he is a really sweet little boy.
When Colin did start reading, he would always substitute words. It is hard to explain, he would get the idea of the sentence and then just use a word that started the same. It was like he was trying to figure out from memory what the whole word was. As an example (off the top of my head), would be a sentence like: "On Sunday, my father and I went to the park" He would read out loud and say, "On Sunday, my father and I went to a picnic" Yes, in this case, the sentence made sense - even though it is not the correct words. But this was not always the case.
I also noticed that he had really bad handwriting - I mean REALLY bad. When you actually paid attention, you noticed that he wrote the letter completely in the wrong order. Instead of starting letters and numbers at the top, he would start from the bottom, or the side and basically "re-create" the letter.
I brought this to the attention of the teacher, and she said it would be something that would self correct itself.
By third grade, it was really apparent that there was something that was totally off balance. It seemed like it took him the whole year just to catch up to everyone else. And he was constantly playing the "catch - up" game.
So, I wanted him evaluated by the school. I thought for sure there was a reason for all this. Now, keep in mind that again, he was always a sweet sweet boy.
We started with the evaluation with the school. They test for everything. IQ, ADD, Dyslexia, etc.
Well, at this time of the testing, his IQ measured at 145! Which is considered exceptional. In every area that tests for specific things, he measured in the 90-99 percent.
Well, that is witht the exception of one.
The test that measures dyslexia - well, he scored a 32. Yup, that is a 32 out of 100. I thought, "finally, we have an answer" Not exactly.
A score of 32 is still in the "normal" range. What??? I see you are confussed. As was I. You see, the test is on a bell curve. Which means that a score of 25-75 is considered "average".
A score of 32 would mean no services provided by the school system. A score of 32 means that since his IQ was so high that he was able to "trick" the results. A score of 32 means nothing.
This ends this post - I will add more later.
I am sorry this was so long
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
So, now I am back from vacation and back from my business trip so I am back to blogging.
An update on me:
On Tuesday afternoon I triggered for our TI cycle. I told my husband the day before that we would have to "get busy" when he got home.
Yeah, well was so unromantic that it was actually funny. We both got the giggles because it just felt so forced. But, I do have to say - once we got into it, it was fine.
I actually said that we should do late afternoon "sessions" more often. His answer - "yeah, I don't think so."
Lucky for us Colin was looking to go and play outside.
So we did our thing and I got up to spend the night at my mother's house. Who by the way had homemade Sangria; which I drank a few glasses of before turning in for the night. YUM YUM!
So, the two days after the trigger (while on my business trip) I was really bloated and I thought my ovaries were going to explode. I am hoping that our little quickey really did the trick.
I started taking progesterone on Friday evening. That is fun to insert. I go in tomorrow for my Progesterone Test and I guess I will also find out if they do a beta or if I just wait to get a positive HPT.
I have started testing the trigger out and it is almost gone. I am using last Thursday as the ovualtion date (36 hours after trigger) - so that would make today 5dpo. So, I still have a long way to go in this 2ww.
If this cycle does not work, it may be injectables for me. But I still have to think about it because it would mean a lot of office visits in one cycle - and I don't know if I will be able to swing that.
The clomid gave me visual disturbances and really bad headaches, so I am not sure I want to do that again.
I hope I do not have to make that choice.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I am going to AZ on business and won't be back again until Monday. The entire time I am gone I will be praying that my hubby sperm are doing their job.
So - if you are wondering why I am not posting - it is because I am not around!
OK, OK - that is a small white lie. I do have four, but 1 is small, 2 medium, and ONE IS 21!!
So, I have a 9, 11, 13, & 21.
So, I will trigger today (as soon as I get home) and then seduce my husband. Oh, yeah - and then go to spend the night at my mom's house.
So, the doctor knows that time is of the issue with this cycle. So, I told him that I told my hubby that we had an "appointment" tonight and said "oh, how romantic" Everyone in the room cracked up laughing - me, the nurse, the Dr. It was so funny.
So, I will go home, do some last minute packing and then jump him. That is the plan.
Then on Friday, I will start taking the Progesterone.
So, please everyone out there send me some vibes that our timing works well.
Monday, May 12, 2008
If I trigger tomorrow night, I have to jump my husband tomorrow. Which of course in the perfect world would not be a problem. But, I am staying at my mom's house tomorrow night because I have an early flight the next day. So, it will really be just "doing the deed" - which sometime my husband has issues with.
I can't stay home tomorrow night because my flight is at 6:45 am on Wednesday and I live about 1 1/2 hours from the airport. My mom, on the other hand, lives 20 minutes.
I will also be talking to my RE about the clomid Side Effects. If this cycle does not work, then I will ask for something else. It is the visual side effects that bother me the most.
So, I am hoping that I am totally NOT ready tomorrow and maybe I can make it until CD 17. If I make it that late, then I will have an IUI on the day that I get back.
But, you be honest, I think there is a good chance that I might be ready tomorrow....I kind of have that feeling - like my ovaries are full.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
We still have lots of stripping to do, the floors need to be re-finished, still some painting and a bunch of little things that we have to do.
So, we we have been slowly "unpacking". For the past 2 years all of our stuff has been in our extra bedroom.
It was like seeing the things for the first time again. Most things I got for my shower and we moved only 6 months after we got married. So, there was a lot of stuff that I forgot that we even had.
So, we have put everything in it's place, and did MAJOR cleaning. I even mopped and waxed the floors. I wanted to make the floors shine even though we will be sanding them down in the very near future
It still is not clean clean, but most of the dirt is at a minimum.
So, now we need to start decorating........if I only had a clue how to do that LOL
I started making a list of all the thing that we would like to buy - but are not really NEEDED right now. Things like a new mailbox, new numbers for the house, a SS garbage can, a SS knife block, area rugs, new kichen table, living room tables, nice recycle bins, etc, etc, etc.
All of these things we can live without right now - but they are wants.........and I WANT them!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
So, for now, you will just have to deal with my short and sweet review below (LOL)
Monday, May 5, 2008
But - here is the kicker - I will be on a business trip from CD12 - CD16. But, I DO NOT want to sit this cycle out.
For the cycle I got pregnant I took clomid on CD5-9 and had an IUI on CD15. So, under standard assumptions, I guess if I did clomid the same time again I could expect the same results, right.
But, in the past - when I did clomid, I did not ovulate until CD18. So, there is a possibility that I can still squeeze in an iui.
And trust me, if I can't do the IUI, I will be jumping my husband as soon as I get home.
Spoke to the doctor. He basically said that there is no way to predict when you will ovulate with the clomid (knew that).
But, he said that I can start the clomid today (CD3) and that it is possible that by CD11 I might be ready to do a trigger.
If that is the case, I will trigger on CD11 and jump my husband before I leave for my trip. I have to go down to my mom's that night because she is driving me to the airport for my 7am flight on CD12.
So, we will just hope for the best and hope that:
1) my husband can produce on command;
2) that his super sperm are waiting around for my eggs; and
3) that I have measurable follies on CD11
If I am not ready to trigger on CD 11, then I will take OPKs when I am on my trip. When I get a positive, I will trigger.
But, I will only trigger if it is a positive on or after Friday.
So, this cycle is just the luck of the draw. So, we will just have to wait and see.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
But here is a few snipits:
- MH lost his wedding ring in the ocean - lucky for us St Thomas is really cheap for jewelry!
- Missed Bermuda because someone had to be medically evacuated
- Excursion in St Maarten sucked big time - but got our money back
- Did not get any real sunburn
- Had lots and lots of drinks, food, and sun!
- We did not have any rain
- Had a great time snorkeling in St Thomas - saw lots of fish, stingrays, and a barracuda
- We even saw a whale in the distance