The story of my son

I got 2 comments on my last post - I guess it is kind of weird that I have a son already and I am having so many issues getting and staying pregnant.

So, I guess it is easiest to answer the question here so that many know the story.

I did blog about this a long time ago, here are the links:
19 & pregnant and 19 & pregnant (cont)

Long story short:
~ Lost my virginity at 19 to a long term boyfriend.
~ Broke up with said boyfriend 2 days after "the deed"
~ Started hanging out with a guy - friends at first for a few months
~ Guy convinced me that sex was no big deal
~ 3 weeks later I am knocked up
~ Guy breaks up with me the day I tell him I am pregnant
~ Raised my son as a single mom for 11 years at which point I marry my husband
~ Started TTC when I was 32 yrs old. I am now 34 years old

Trust me - I think about it each and every day. How is it that I was able to get pregnant, probably within a week of my first intimate relationship (don't count guy #1) and now I am having such a hard time.

Of course things like age, weight, etc obviously factor into the mix. But, come on!?!? How many teen moms do you know that have trouble later on. I don't know any.

I do find it annoying that I get pregnant with a 100% loser with no problem and the man that I love to death and want to have a baby with, I can't. And just a FYI - my husband has NO fertility issues. He is 100% perfect. We also both had genetic testing done and we are BOTH fine.

I am pretty much an open book, so no question will really ever offend me - please ask away.

If you would like me you expand on anything, just ask.

You can see how totally young I was in this pic. Colin was probably 2 and a 1/2 or so?? And yes, I know I look about 12 yrs old.

14 Years ago I told my parents I was pregnant

Yup - that's right. 14 years ago on St. Patrick's Day, I told my mom that I was pregnant. Two of my sisters already knew by this point. It is funny - I can not remember when I found out I was pregnant. I really have no idea.

But, I remember when I told my mom (who then told my dad). I was a sophomore in college and was planning on waiting until spring break to tell them. I am glad that it came out when it did. They were able to absorb the info before they saw me.

One of my sisters was all ready to "take me in". I was going to move to Buffalo. We just all assumed that my parents would FLIP OUT and disown me. "Take me in" is in quotes because when I think about it now, what the heck was my sister thinking. She was only a junior in college herself.

But, at the time, we knew we would be able to make it work.

Each year, my mother is so kind to remind me that XX years ago, she got the worst news of her life. Well, gee thanks mom. I know she does not really mean it. But at the time, it really was pretty bad news.

I can't believe how fast the last 14 years have gone. In about an hour - I have a meeting with Colin Guidance Counselor to talk about his HIGH SCHOOL SCHEUDLE!!!!! Yup - he goes to High School in the fall. WOW!!!!

19 and Pregnant (Continued)

If you want to follow along, you might want to read the post right below this one.

OK - where was I? Right, break up with year long boyfriend, that I guess I technically lost my virginity to (see below).

Ok, we broke up in late sept? And since it was a new year away at school, there are tons of new people to meet and hang out with. I started hanging out with this guy and his friends that lived on the same floor as me. We would hang out as a group or just watch TV in his room or my room. Just as friends.....well, at first.

By December, we were hanging out all the time, still just as friends. We went to the movies, went to concerts, went to dinner. I really started liking him as more than friends. Over the Christmas break (about 3 weeks) we talked all the time on the phone Yep, regular old land-line long distance, this was way before the internet, AIM, e-mail, cell phones, etc. We are talking about Dec 1993!!!

We were talking every day almost. I kind of knew that we would be more than friends when we got back to school in Jan. Yeah, I was right about that. I don't know if we ever went on an actual date, but it was just assumed that we were a couple.

We started hanging out as a couple in late January. We were fooling around by this time. I told him that I was not "experienced" and he was OK with that for a couple of weeks (2 maybe). So, we were basically doing EVERYTHING else but "IT", and we got to talking.......he basically convinced me that "it really is not that big a deal; it is not like it is life changing; can be a lot of fun"

I really thought, "you know what, he is right" Maybe I put so much pressure on myself for the "first time" and now that it is technically over, why not just enjoy being young.

I could not have been more wrong. "IT" was life changing. About a week after I made the decision to sleep with this guy, I got the strangest feeling. I KNEW I was pregnant. So, I talked the the guy. He said, "don't worry about it...I always pull out". Well, OK then. I was a stupid naive 19 year old with NO experience so I figured he knew what HE was doing.

I can't believe how much trust I put in a guy that I just started being intimate with.

So, wouldn't you know it.....about 2 1/2 weeks into my "intimate" relationship with this guy (the first intimate relationship I ever had) I find out I am pregnant.

I call my sister a few days before my period is due and tell her that even though I am not late, I think I am pregnant. I had planned to go see her at college that weekend and wanted to give her a heads up. Now, way back in 1994, and early pregnancy test was one that you could take as early as 3 days AFTER your missed period. So, this was going to fall during my visit to my sister.

We have our visit, go out partying (no, I did not drink), stay up late, etc. We buy a pregnancy test at the Drug-store across the street from the bus station. My mom would be so proud, it was on sale AND had an attached coupon. For some reason, I can't rememeber why, I do not take the test until I get back to my college.

I take the test, I am pregnant. I don't even remember how I felt. Seriously.....I have no idea.

Here I am, a pregnant 19 year old.

Pregnant from a guy I just started sleeping with less than 3 weeks ago.

Pregnant from a guy that said "sex is no big deal" and "this will not change the rest of your life"

Pregnant and 6 hours from home.

Pregnant while I am a sophmore in college, my dream college.

Pregnant while trying to work 3 jobs to pay for college.

Pregnant and not married.

Pregnant and 19.

I just can not believe it. The guy is pledging a fraternity, so I have to wait to tell him .... wait until at least the next day.

I call my sister and then the next, not really sure what I want them to tell me. Not really if I want to believe them when they say it will be alright.

I really don't sleep that night. my room-mate is bugging me for answers why I seem so distant.

Fast forward to the next day. The guy is on a break from pledging so I have a couple of hours before he has to leave. I go to his room and shut the door.

I tell him.......he tells me that i HAVE to get an abortion..."no way" I say. If I keep the baby, he wants nothing to do with it or with me.

"It won't change your life" ........ words that will stick with me forever.

He breaks up with me on the spot.

I am 19, pregnant, alone, a single mom. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I became a single mom.

I knew my life would never ever be the same.

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My life, of course was never the same since that moment. Still to this day, more than 13 years later....his father really has nothing to do with my son. Two years ago, my son got a dad when I married my husband.

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It really does feel good to get it all out. There is obviously so much more to the story of the last 13 years, maybe I will share it from time to time.

19 and pregnant

A post on the Nest broght back so many memories. Many are saying is made up drama (MUD); but it really does not matter if it is or if it is not real. Not that I want to defend this person, or to bash her----I am just saying that it brings back so many memories (good and bad)

Here are the "facts" - I will assume that all facts are true and not MUD.

The post (in summary) is about a 19 year old college student that is engaged. She is getting married around Valentine's Day 2008. She was planning on waiting until marriage to have sex. Well about 2-3 weeks ago, in the heat of passion, she wind of having sex with her fiancee.

Yep, you guessed it. She is pregnant. Now, while she says that it was totally unexpected, she thinks it will be "cool" have have this child serve as a flower girl/ring bearer at their wedding.

The posts (and follow-ups) go on and on about a bunch of crap that really is not important for my sake and the sake of this post.

Anyway, many of you know by now why this brings back so many memories.

I was a 19 year old college student, far away from home. I really never thought that I would wait until marriage to have sex, but obviously at 19 I did not give it up yet - I guess I was waiting for someone special.

In my freshman year of college, I dated this one guy. We were both virgins so not having sex was really not a big deal. We dated for a little under a year before things started getting bad between us. We would break up and then get back together - over and over again.

He finally convinced me one last time to get back together, right before our 1 year anniversary. On our anniversary, we went out for dinner, went to see the sunset and it was all romantic.

We decided to lose our virginity to each other that night. In the physical sense, I did lose my virginity that night. But the act was more like a technicality. It was over in less than 5 seconds because I stopped it beacuse I thought it felt wrong - not physically, but emotionally.

So, the "act" was never finished. But, I guess since there was one moment of penetration, I guess I was no longer a virgin.

We broke up again (for good) 2 days later.

I will continue in another post......1. because it is 5 pm and it is quiting time and 2. because it is a pretty long post already.

I will give you a teaser - this guy is not my son's father........more later

My First Roomate

There was a poll about roomates on my local board so I thought I would share some things about my first roomate......

I got this roomate when I was a junior in college. He was a very short man. But, the second I saw him I thought he was the cutest. I knew him for 9 months before we co-habitated.

He drooled all the time and I had to constantly clean up his crap. I put up with it though. In fact, I kind of liked it.

After a while he started talking back to me. And most of the time I could not even understand what he was saying.

All of a sudden, all of his stuff was all over the place. It was like he owned the place. In every corner of every room were his "toys".

It did not take long before I was in total love with him. I always knew that we would have a life-long friendship.

Over the next few years, he became more and more dependent on me. I had to drive him everywhere, as he does not have a license. I also had to buy everything for him, he did not have a job. I loved him anyway. More and more each day.

We were always together, then things changed. He started hanging out with his buddies...all the time. It seemed like he was never home. I really missed my guy and always thought about the time we shared just the two of us.

When I met my husband, my "roomate" was so great to MH. They hung out all the time and soon became buddies. I loved seeing them hang out together. What could be better than my two favorite guys together.

Soon, my "roomate" figured out that I would marry MH and he welcomed him with open arms. They really are a great match.

So, now I am married and I took my "roomate" with me (of course) to live with MH. Now, my husband is looking to add a new "roomate" to our bunch!

My Roomate, my son. Love ya.

Youngest Mom, Oldest Child

Today is the first day back at school. So I was talking to the other parents at work. It turns out that Colin is the oldest kid. Cool. BUT, I am the youngest mom out of all of the parents. By a lot!

Getting pregnant at 19 was not really in my life plan, but whatever - you deal with what you are given. Most times I don't think it really makes that much difference. I have a great kid and think I am a good mom. The "young mom" usually is not an issue. But now, he is almost a teenager and I still look pretty young. Not 16 young, but younger than I am. I am constantly getting, "you have a teenager?"...."you do not look old enough to have a 12 year old"....."are you his sister?"

When he was first born, I looked like I was 15-16, boy did I get the stares. It was really bad when he was about 1-2 yrs old. I still looked like a teenager, but now with a toodler, which in their eyes meant that I was 14 when I had him.

I think being a young single mom made me the person who I am now. Let's hope that I will not an "old" mom when I ever have another kid.