Thursday, November 29, 2007

Colin's Christmas List

Mp3 Player - Check
New Gameboy Thing - Check
Video Games - Check
Books - Check
Sibling - Um, what???

Colin said (not joking) it would be nice to get a sibling for christmas. He really does not know that we are trying. But, knows that we would like to have more children. He knows it takes 9 months to HAVE a baby. But, I doubt he knows how long it can take to get pregnant.

I told him, "these things take time - I promise, I will tell you when it happens"

Now, I know he will not be disappointed if he does not get everything on his "list"....but it kills me that Colin want's this just as much as my husband and I do.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

2 long posts in a

The last 2 posts were really long, so I will not bore anyone with another one.

It is a little less than a month before Christmas, and I am basically done with shopping. Not only that, but the presents are wrapped and under the tree.

I have a couple of projects that I want to do for Christmas, so I guess I have plenty of time for that now. Besides, December is so full of activities that I am not sure I would be able to find time to go shopping.

It kind of upsets me about the amount of presents for Colin. I always spend around the same amount of money on Colin. But, this year his wish list were for expensive things that come in really small packages - video games, mp3 player, etc. So, I still spent the same amount, but there are less presents.

I spoke to Colin about this. Told him that we only spend $XX and that it is possible that there may not be a lot of presents under the tree. He totally understands. I think he would rather get what he wants as opposed to a lot of stuff that he does not want.

Plus, as much as I object, he is totally spoiled by my sisters and my parents.

Monday, November 26, 2007

19 and Pregnant (Continued)

If you want to follow along, you might want to read the post right below this one.

OK - where was I? Right, break up with year long boyfriend, that I guess I technically lost my virginity to (see below).

Ok, we broke up in late sept? And since it was a new year away at school, there are tons of new people to meet and hang out with. I started hanging out with this guy and his friends that lived on the same floor as me. We would hang out as a group or just watch TV in his room or my room. Just as friends.....well, at first.

By December, we were hanging out all the time, still just as friends. We went to the movies, went to concerts, went to dinner. I really started liking him as more than friends. Over the Christmas break (about 3 weeks) we talked all the time on the phone Yep, regular old land-line long distance, this was way before the internet, AIM, e-mail, cell phones, etc. We are talking about Dec 1993!!!

We were talking every day almost. I kind of knew that we would be more than friends when we got back to school in Jan. Yeah, I was right about that. I don't know if we ever went on an actual date, but it was just assumed that we were a couple.

We started hanging out as a couple in late January. We were fooling around by this time. I told him that I was not "experienced" and he was OK with that for a couple of weeks (2 maybe). So, we were basically doing EVERYTHING else but "IT", and we got to talking.......he basically convinced me that "it really is not that big a deal; it is not like it is life changing; can be a lot of fun"

I really thought, "you know what, he is right" Maybe I put so much pressure on myself for the "first time" and now that it is technically over, why not just enjoy being young.

I could not have been more wrong. "IT" was life changing. About a week after I made the decision to sleep with this guy, I got the strangest feeling. I KNEW I was pregnant. So, I talked the the guy. He said, "don't worry about it...I always pull out". Well, OK then. I was a stupid naive 19 year old with NO experience so I figured he knew what HE was doing.

I can't believe how much trust I put in a guy that I just started being intimate with.

So, wouldn't you know it.....about 2 1/2 weeks into my "intimate" relationship with this guy (the first intimate relationship I ever had) I find out I am pregnant.

I call my sister a few days before my period is due and tell her that even though I am not late, I think I am pregnant. I had planned to go see her at college that weekend and wanted to give her a heads up. Now, way back in 1994, and early pregnancy test was one that you could take as early as 3 days AFTER your missed period. So, this was going to fall during my visit to my sister.

We have our visit, go out partying (no, I did not drink), stay up late, etc. We buy a pregnancy test at the Drug-store across the street from the bus station. My mom would be so proud, it was on sale AND had an attached coupon. For some reason, I can't rememeber why, I do not take the test until I get back to my college.

I take the test, I am pregnant. I don't even remember how I felt. Seriously.....I have no idea.

Here I am, a pregnant 19 year old.

Pregnant from a guy I just started sleeping with less than 3 weeks ago.

Pregnant from a guy that said "sex is no big deal" and "this will not change the rest of your life"

Pregnant and 6 hours from home.

Pregnant while I am a sophmore in college, my dream college.

Pregnant while trying to work 3 jobs to pay for college.

Pregnant and not married.

Pregnant and 19.

I just can not believe it. The guy is pledging a fraternity, so I have to wait to tell him .... wait until at least the next day.

I call my sister and then the next, not really sure what I want them to tell me. Not really if I want to believe them when they say it will be alright.

I really don't sleep that night. my room-mate is bugging me for answers why I seem so distant.

Fast forward to the next day. The guy is on a break from pledging so I have a couple of hours before he has to leave. I go to his room and shut the door.

I tell him.......he tells me that i HAVE to get an abortion..."no way" I say. If I keep the baby, he wants nothing to do with it or with me.

"It won't change your life" ........ words that will stick with me forever.

He breaks up with me on the spot.

I am 19, pregnant, alone, a single mom. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I became a single mom.

I knew my life would never ever be the same.

My life, of course was never the same since that moment. Still to this day, more than 13 years later....his father really has nothing to do with my son. Two years ago, my son got a dad when I married my husband.

It really does feel good to get it all out. There is obviously so much more to the story of the last 13 years, maybe I will share it from time to time.

19 and pregnant

A post on the Nest broght back so many memories. Many are saying is made up drama (MUD); but it really does not matter if it is or if it is not real. Not that I want to defend this person, or to bash her----I am just saying that it brings back so many memories (good and bad)

Here are the "facts" - I will assume that all facts are true and not MUD.

The post (in summary) is about a 19 year old college student that is engaged. She is getting married around Valentine's Day 2008. She was planning on waiting until marriage to have sex. Well about 2-3 weeks ago, in the heat of passion, she wind of having sex with her fiancee.

Yep, you guessed it. She is pregnant. Now, while she says that it was totally unexpected, she thinks it will be "cool" have have this child serve as a flower girl/ring bearer at their wedding.

The posts (and follow-ups) go on and on about a bunch of crap that really is not important for my sake and the sake of this post.

Anyway, many of you know by now why this brings back so many memories.

I was a 19 year old college student, far away from home. I really never thought that I would wait until marriage to have sex, but obviously at 19 I did not give it up yet - I guess I was waiting for someone special.

In my freshman year of college, I dated this one guy. We were both virgins so not having sex was really not a big deal. We dated for a little under a year before things started getting bad between us. We would break up and then get back together - over and over again.

He finally convinced me one last time to get back together, right before our 1 year anniversary. On our anniversary, we went out for dinner, went to see the sunset and it was all romantic.

We decided to lose our virginity to each other that night. In the physical sense, I did lose my virginity that night. But the act was more like a technicality. It was over in less than 5 seconds because I stopped it beacuse I thought it felt wrong - not physically, but emotionally.

So, the "act" was never finished. But, I guess since there was one moment of penetration, I guess I was no longer a virgin.

We broke up again (for good) 2 days later.

I will continue in another post......1. because it is 5 pm and it is quiting time and 2. because it is a pretty long post already.

I will give you a teaser - this guy is not my son's father........more later

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

CD1 or CD9????

I have no idea.

Just a warming, this post will be full of TMI.

Some basic info:Did 2 clomid cycles way back in may/june. Since then, have been on a medication break. No meds, no appointments, nothing. I do take the occasional OPK, but not really on a regular basis.

Ok, last wednesday I posted that I was super excited. I got what I thought was my period. Which would mean that I just ended a 28 day cycle. My cycles have been 110 days down to 45 days. So, I was thrilled. I even thought that I had ovulated on my own about 12 days before I got what I thought was my period.

Some TMI - the reason why I thought it was my period was the obvious reason. I wiped and saw blood - not a tiny spot or anything, but like most of the toilet paper. So, I use a tampon. Happy for the next couple of hours (weird, I know...happy to get your period)

So, (more TMI) - I use the bathroom again and change the tampon, not a heavy flow or anything, but I think enough to use a tampon again and not a liner.Again couple of hours later, go to bathroom, only a few spots on the tampon. So, I use a liner this time. For the rest of the day they is really not too much on the liner. And nothing overnight.

Next day (CD2), only need a liner....and could have probably used the same one all day (not that I would, but just based on flow amount). I got maybe enough to cover about an inch wide of a liner throughout the day.

Even less the next day (CD3). Also, on what I think is CD2, my boobs are KILLING me. Just barely touching them hurts really bad.

So, I kind of think, "hey, this is a weird period, my boobs really hurt, and I don't have bad cramps" you see where this is going? Yep, I take a pregnancy test. Of course it is negative. So, I figure that I just had a super light period. Which I think is fine since before BCP, I remember having super light day and a half periods. My boobs are STILL killing me.

I did not post about the above since I figured so many people have much worse problems and no one would want to hear me whine.

OK - fast forward to today. If the above was a period, then today would be CD9. Yeah, well this morning I use the bathroom, and when I wipe, I get toilet paper full of blood. Huh???? So, I of course use a tampon and now I have period like cramps. What the heck??

I know they both could not be a true period. You can't ovualate and get a period within 9 days of each other.So, should I start over and count today as CD1 and just assume that last week was some kind of mid cycle bleed? I don't think last week was any type of ovulation bleed, since I got what I "thought" was a + OPK about 12 days before the previous mentioned CD1.

Even if I was not TTC, I would still think this is odd. I guess I will see how this goes and then maybe tomorrow I might make the decision to call this CD1 or not.

The plan was to start OPKs tomorrow at CD10, becuase I thought that it was possible that I would get a + OPK around CD16 (but did not want to miss it).

So, for now, I guess I am stuck in limbo.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

You will die eventually

I love my husband to DEATH apparently LOL. Before I say anything, let me remind you that we were joking around and were laughing so much!

On my way to bed last night, I kiss Frank and say " I love you". He of course replies, "I love you too"

"Good", I say, "cause you are stuck with me FOREVER" He says so lovingly, "It's OK, you will die eventually"

We laughed so much I almost peed my pants. LOL

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

28 Days!

OK, if you read the post below, you will see that I said that I thought this cycle would be shorter than 45 days. I thought that because I "thought" I got a postive ovulation test on CD16. Both lines were lighter than what I have seen in the past. Even the control line was kind of light. But, both lines were the same light color. Possibly making it a "positive" test???

Since both lines were so light I really was not sure if it was positive, or if the control line was defective in some way and should be darker...which everyones knows..a darker control line is a negative test.

So, My husband and I did what we had to do, assuming that it was positive. Well, yesterday (CD29) I got my period (now CD1). Which means that that test probably WAS positive. I was not even upset about not getting pregnant..I was just super excited that I got my period after only 28 days!!!

Is this even possible, that after over a year, that my cycles are back to "normal"??? I will believe it when it happens over and over again (assuming I do not get pregnant)

So, since I am a pee-in-a-cup addict, you KNOW I will make sure that I PIAC around CD11-CD18 (or until I get a + OPK).

I already told my husband about this and asked him how he would like me to tell him "we need to do it today". Some people have said to light a candle in a certain place, try to seduce him, etc.......He said to me 'just tell me, "it is CD? and I got a +OPK so we need to &*%$@ now" Wow, so much class I tell you.

So, I am hoping that my post in about 14 days says, "OMG, I got a +OPK!"

Stay tuned!!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Cruise here we come :) or :(

OK, many of you know that we were taking a break from IF meds and any other type of assistance. We have been on this break since June. We just used no assistance, but we still tried. We figured that if we did get pregnant, than it would be a blessing.

We took this break because we are going on a huge family cruise in April/May 2008. This cruise was booked in Aug 2006 (yep, 20 months in advance). According to the cruise line, you can not be more than 24 weeks pregnant on the day you board the ship. So, even though when we booked the trip I thought I would have a kid by that point and be pregnant again, I never thought that I would be an issue.

So, being the super anal person that I am, I figured out what day I would have to have the first day of my period and assuming that I got pregnant that cycle, h0w far along I would be at the time of the cruise. So, today (nov 9th) is the day that the break officially ends. Any period that starts after today MAY result in a pregnancy that will be less than 24 weeks on April 25, 2007

Nov 9th plus 24 weeks = April 25, 2008 (again, remember that pregnancy weeks are calculated based on the first day of your last period, not when you ovulate).

Now, I have not gotten my period yet, which means that I still might have a chance this cycle (slim to none, but I still want to be hopeful) My last period was Oct 16, I don't think I ovulated at all (or yet). My last cycle was 45 days long, and I am only on CD 25 so I guess I still have a while.

So, since now I am in the OK zone to get pregnant, and it has been over a year....I am in the clear to make an RE appointment. But, something is holding me back from making that call. Maybe it is because my cycles are getting shorter and shorter (from 110 days to last cycle of 45 days) and I kind of think that maybe this cycle will be shorter than 45 days. If I get down to a managable cycle length, maybe I will also ovulate on my own.

Also (bad excuse though, I know) - I only have 3 vacation days left for this year. So, if I go to an RE and they start testing/monitering, etc then I will need to take some time off. So, maybe it is better to start in the new year???

Thursday, November 8, 2007

10 Years Together

Wow, it has been 10 years since Frank and I started dating. I can't believe it. We were just some young kids when we had our first date.

I still can't believe that at 23, he was A-OK with dating a single mom of a 3 year old. He said that it never really was an issue. I find it hard to believe....but either way I was happy that he decided that I was worth a try.

I remember our first date, we went for drinks...I actually was not even sure if it was a date. We met at work a few months before and were hanging out in groups. I went out a couple of times and went to a few parties where it was a group thing and he was there.

So, when we went for drinks, I was not sure if I was going to find 5 of his friends there also. When I saw that it was just going to be us, I was excited!!!!! In the middle of the "date" I even said to him, "to be honest, I am not even sure if this is a date".....he kissed me and said "does that answer your question?" Uh, yeah, I guess so. Luckly I was into to him....or otherwise that would have been very weird LOL.

We went back to his house (well, his mom's house) and we were just hanging out, getting to know each other and he hands me a single rose, my favorite kind. So sweet.

Ten years, where does the time go?

Monday, November 5, 2007

My Favorite Picture so far!

This is my favorite shot from Colin's Photoshoot. There are so many great ones, but this is the one that most people also say is their favorite.

Since I could not decide on which ones to purchase...I bought the entrire CD of images. This way I can print them all and also print enlargements for gifts. You KNOW everyone wil be getting these pictures as gifts.

I should get the CD this week, so I will add more pictures when I get them.

If you want to see the whole photshoot....Click Here

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Happy Birthday Colin!!!

Colin turned 13 today. Where does the time go. It is official, I am the mom of a teenager.

I really thought that by now Colin would have been a big brother. I can't say that it does not bother me that IF I ever have any more kids, they will be light years apart in age.

I grew up very close to my sisters. There is 5 of us within a 10 year span. We are still close to this day.

More than likely, Colin will not have a close relationship with his siblings when he is young. Maybe when they are older. The minimum age difference will be 14 years.
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