Friday, May 15, 2009

Lil J's Fist visit with Mom....um, NOT

Lil J has not seen his mother since Feb 27. That was the day he was removed.

At first, his mother was trying to "get stuff worked out" so she did not schedule anything.

Then, she was not able to have visits - take that as you like.

Then, again she was trying to work some stuff out.

So, I get a call from my case worker this week. She had spoken to the mother on an unrelated topic and she said that a visit really should be scheduled - and it was scheduled for today at 12 pm. The time kinda annoyed me, because J takes a nap at 1 and it was going to be a 2 hour visit.

I decided to print out some pictures - well, some = over 50. I put the pictures in a small brag book. Thought she might like seeing the pictures from the last 2+ months.

I have also been telling J that he was going to see "his mom" since Tuesday. Granted, I don't think he has a clue, but I still told him many many many times.

The mom does not have her own transportation and our state is required to provide "reasonable access" to visits. That said, the mother now lives in another state and she was going to take the train to a major city, then transfer trains to get to my state. The case worker was going to pick her up from the train station and drive her to my local CPS office.

This was going to be a very long trip. In all, between trains, transfers and car ride, I would assume it was going to be about a 3 hour trip, each way. I live an hour from where she would get off the train.

Like I said, she has not seen him in months.

I get a call today around 10:30 from the case worker telling me that the mother left her a message and she can't come anymore..She is claiming that she got on the wrong train, went the wrong way, will cost $100 to go back, and she has no cell phone.


To be honest, I do not believe ANY of it. Let's point out all the reasons why I think she is full of it.
  • While I understand that you may have gotten on the wrong train, especially if you are not too familiar with the trains - but, like most trains (this was not a subway), someone will walk around and ask for a ticket. This is usually right after the train leaves the station and usually before it comes into the next stop.

    So - if you indeed went the wrong way, a train employee would tell you to get off the next stop and then wait for the train going the other way. I would have to assume that this happens A LOT, and I am sure there is a policy in place. It might mean that the train employee on the new train can just tell by your printed ticket that you went the wrong way and may just let you not pay anything extra - or maybe you just have to pay for the one stop error.

    Either way, I seriously DOUBT, it would cost an additional $100 to go one (or even a few) stops back to your original departing station.
  • She claims that now she is stranded somewhere (in her state) and has no cell phone to call the case worker, so even if she got back on the train, there would be no way to get in contact with the worker. Um, 1) whose phone were you using to call the caseworker? 2) did you just ask a random person to use their phone - yes, this is possible, there are nice people in the world. 3) I guess since you were not using your cell phone (since you claim you don't have one), you must have the case workers phone number memorized. Which means that I am sure you can use someone else's phone when you get to my state. She had success in doing this before, I am sure it will work again. (?!?!)
  • When the case worker asked his mother when she would like to reschedule the visit, the mother replied, "oh, I will have to call you on that one". Since it was the case worker that requested the visit, and since the mother has made no attempt to start visits, I can almost guarantee you that visits will not be scheduled for a long while. The case worker even told me that she kinda had a feeling this would happen, mainly because it was not the mom's idea for a visit.
I don't want to sound like a super negative person, and would love to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I just don't understand how someone would not go to the ends of the earth and do WHATEVER was needed to see their kid. Especially one that you claim you want to get back.

Yes, I know - this is all good news for me. Visits are part of her plan and as everyone knows, if the mom does not work her plan, a judge does not like that. And, when a judge does not that the mom is not doing certain things, he/she is less likely to make exceptions to the plan, or give extensions, etc.

So, yes - you are correct, these things means I have a better chance of him staying for a while, if not forever. And, yes, we would love for him to be a permanent part of our family. But, it still upsets me.

Lucky for me, Lil J is young enough that he really has no clue. So, while I have been telling him for days that he will see his mom and the case worker, if I just stop talking about it, then he will just forget. It really kills me. I guess I just don't understand how she could just not care enough.

OK, rambling vent over.

2 comments:

Jennie said...

You continue to inspire me with your absolute strength. Thank you for sharing it with all of us online!

That's why I'm tagging you with the lovely blog award...check out my blog to see what's up.

Kristen said...

I'm so glad that Lil J has YOU for his mother, as his mom seems to be a real dud. You are doing EVERYTHING right, in my eyes!!! :-)

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