A few people have asked why we chose to adopt through the foster care system. I responded on a message board, but since it is a great question, I thought it would make a great blog post as well.
Why are we using Fost/Adopt to build our family?
There are a few reasons, most of them selfish I guess.
1 - Our only medical option is PGD, and even though our insurance will cover IVF, they only cover $2000 for PGD and don't cover other things at all- that would leave us with almost $6000 for us to pay for the cycle. This of course includes all the expenses for the cycle, not just the pgd (meds, office visits, anesthesiologist, pgd, freezing, etc). Well, we live on a modest income and do not have $6000 just floating around.
We may still do IVF, and just beg, borrow, and borrow some more to pay for this.
That said, if we do not have an extra $6K for IVF, we would never be able find the money (or afford the monthly payments) to pay for a domestic or international adoption.
2 - My neighbor works for the Dept of Child. Svcs. I spoke to her a while ago and she said that currently there are not enough families in my county to fill the need for the number of children. They currently have to go outside the county to find families. That said, it is possible that my wait time is very short. She told me that we could have child(ren) in our house in 4-6 months.
We are open to 0-5 and a sibling group of 2 - this may cut our wait time as well.
I also know that so far she has been a great resource for information, I can't imagine that it would stop.
3 - I am afraid of the domestic adoption process. Even though I think we are "good people" I am totally scared of never getting picked.
And the main reason (totally not rational at ALL) is that I was a teenage mom, I was a single mom from the day I found out I was pregnant and raised my son by myself until I got married when he was 11 years old (he will be 14 next week).
It was very hard, and most times we barely made ends meet. But, I raised a great kid. I guess to some, that would make me a good candiate for someone to "pick" us. But I am totally afraid that pregnant women will not pick us because in someway they will think that I think I am better than her - because I DID NOT give up my son and did whatever I needed to do to raise him. I think what they are doing is a great thing, I just could never do it myself.
Obviously through the foster care system, parents do not get to choose the adoptive parents.
4 - growing up, my neighbor had lots and lots of foster kids. Some became adopted at some point. So, I guess all of my life that is what I know as the adoption process. Of course I always knew about domestic and international adoption. But, through the "system" never really seemed like a big deal to me.
I guess since I have experience with others using Fost or Adopt though the state, it never occured to me to use other options for adoption. We always knew fost/adopt through our state would be our first choice. Then of course after hearing how much it costs to use other methods of adoption, it totally sealed the deal for us. Even if we had the money, I don't know for sure if we would choose a different path.
I guess what I am saying is that I have a real expectation of the types of children in foster care. And I know the right children are there, just waiting for us.