Monday, October 6, 2008

Finally doing a follow-up appt.

When the doc called and told me about m/c#3, well I just about lost it on the phone. I felt really bad that I was crying on the phone with the doctor. I am sure it really made him uncomfortable. In that conversation, he told me that he (and the whole clinic) is there if we need to just talk, talk about additional treatments, talk about m/c#3, etc.

I was in such a rush to get him off the phone that I just did not want to hear anything from him. I am at a point that I am all cried out - but I am still extremely upset about it. I am still not sleeping well, and everyday I tell my husband, "maybe tomorrow I will go to the doc". Everyday I don't.

I am not sleeping when I should and then because I am exhausted, I am sleeping when I shouldn't. Honestly, I don't even know if he can Rx something for me, but I need to talk to him anyway.

It has been almost 2 weeks since we found out, and I still don't have any answers. I do know that more likely than not, there still will be no answers.

But, the main thing I want to hear is what is the likelihood that I will m/c again. I know that no medical procedure can guarantee a successful pregnancy, but if the odds are against me no matter what, I am not sure if we will continue with medical interventions (aka ivf). I don't want to do ivf, pgd, etc if I have a big chance of going through this torture again and again.

I did call this morning, and I will be going in tomorrow to talk to my main doc. Maybe if nothing else, he could tell me the name of a therapist or someone that I could talk to about all this crap.

I think I have been putting off calling him because I am seriously afraid of what he will tell me. Is is going to tell me that I might now be able to bear children? Will he tell me that I have crappy eggs? Will he tell me to just give up (OK, that one might not be one of them)?

I am also going to ask for my b/w levels. My clinic does not advise of b/w results unless there is a problem with the results. so, for example, I have no idea what my FSH levels are - but I will know tomorrow. I know sometimes knowledge is a bad thing - you know I will come straight home and look on the Internet for the "normals" of these levels. But, sometimes you have to be an advocate for yourself.

I am also planning on asking about the MTHFR, so many people asked why I was not on a blood thinner - I am only on the folgard.

I guess I should start a list of these questions, this way I do not forget or get side-tracked. I will post the details after the appointment.


Jill said...

I hope your appointment goes well. I think it is really great that you are going to see your doc. I hope that he can recommend someone that will help. Good luck getting some answers as well. You're in my thoughts.

MT said...

I know it is so so hard but, don't give up hope. Go see the doctor and try to move forward. I know it is easier said then done me I had two m/c in seven months and did an IUI and found out last week it did not work even though all looked good. Stay strong.....pray (if you are religious).

Lisa said...

I am de-lurking to just say I am sorry and this sucks. I am currently at the end of IVF#2 - and probably another early miscarriage - my beta was 34 at 14dpo. This will be my second in four months. I only relay this to let you know that I am going insist on having a recurrent loss panel - about a million blood tests and exams - done to see if they can determine what the issue is. Have you done this before?

I do not know if I can ever try again - I am refusing to make any major decision for at least three months.

The bottom line is that I am sorry for you and if you ever want to chat, feel free to email me at

Maria (MKC101103) said...

Good luck at your appt. And I really think it would be a good conversation to discuss Lovenox/heparin for your next pregnancy. Just my two cents though ;)

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