Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Um, did we just make a decision?

Wait a sec, did we just make a decision?

So, I got up the nerve to talk to my neighbor - she does indeed work for DYFS (I was not 100% sure) and she knew everything about Foster / Adoption.

I went across the street and told her about trying for 2 years, 3 losses, yada yada yada, and then said that we were considering adoption as one of our options.

OK - backtrack to last night -
My husband and I had a great chat last night. We talked about our options (adoption and/or IVF with PGD), talked about the costs, talked about feelings, talked about what we want in the end, talked about types of children, how many children, talked and talked and talked.

We really are on the same page with regards to adoption, he said that he really wants to be a father for so many reasons, and not one of them is specifically is about blood. What a relief, because the more I thought about it, the more I agreed. It is most important to be a mom and dad to a child, that does not mean that it has to be a biological child.

We also talked about the IVF, we are still BOTH on the fence about that one. I know there are no guarantees in life and especially not in IF, but it is a lot of money to spend, money that we don't really have. He of course joked that we just wouldn't pay our property taxes for 3/4 of the year and it should be fine. Yeah, OK.

We decided that even if we did do IVF, we would do adoption at the same time. This way we could do all the things needed (homestudy, checks, paperwork, etc, etc, etc) while we were doing the IVF cycle, and if things did not work out, then we would be ahead of the game. And if things did work out, then it would be a double blessing.

- Enough of back-track story -

Ok, so I talk to my neighbor. She gives me lots and lots of info. She tells me that we would be good candidates because we are a 2 parent family, already raised a child, good family, location, etc, etc. That was a nice bonus to hear.

She was able to give me lots of info about the types of kids, how to increase our chances of placement (accepting either gender, siblings, etc), talked about the process, timeframe, etc.

It was a great chat. She said that she will gather lots of info tomorrow and leave it for me. She also reminded me that I should put her name as a reference. Not that it would give us preferential treatment, but it may possibly speed up the process. It totally works in my favor, because she said when it does become time to place a child, she already has a personal relationship with me and would probably already know if it would be a good placement.

We talked for about a half hour and I really feel like I was able to get so much info.

When my husband came home and we talked about my conversation, he seemed really impressed with the information and said, "It is a great starting point"

Um, did we just make a decision? Is this our path to parenthood?

6 comments:

Jeon-Ellis said...

Hi Amy,
that's a great idea...to consider both of adoption and IVF. I guess it is hard to go ahead with IVF but also hard not to...what a difficult decision to make...

I am at my early forty and trying #2. I fear the possiblity of not being able to concieve my own because of age, and also consider adoption. But adoption seems to be a blessing as great as having your own biological one...it is not easy to adopt here where I am located, Australia.

I'll hold breath whenever opening your blog, and WILL hear the good news.

Kumo

Leah said...

We are doing the exact same thing...and it's alot harder than I expected! It is good to get licensed for adoption so when the time comes, you can move forward. None of this is easy...but glad to know you have options!!! Best of luck!

Notwifezilla said...

Amy,
Reading this post gave me chills! I am so happy for you and YH about considering adoption. I really sincerely hope and pray that this works out for your family.
Good luck & God Bless.
Jackie

Erica said...

pete and i have been thinking about adoption too. i've always wanted to be a surrogate as well, but it's something i want to do after having all the kids pete and i want. but since we've been having some fertility issues i don't know if i'll be a good candidate... though it's something i'd love to do... i'm so happy you guys are moving forward with adoption.. you two are wonderful parents as it is.. so any child will be very lucky to have you!

MT said...

Good luck Amy, stay positive a good attitude and faith will get you through this. I truly beleive all things happen for a reason and work out when they are meant to. It is hard to walk this road day to day but, think positive and believe all will work out.

As I have written to you I am in a similar situation and it is so hard but, my faith gets me by and lots of prayers.

Maria (MKC101103) said...

You two are such wonderful people. Your son is lucky to have you both and any future children will truly be blessed.

As for pursuing both at the same time, I know there are a few ladies on the Nest who have done it and I'm sure could offer you tons of advice!

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