I think the waiting will kill me

I have to go back on Monday for another u/s. But from what the PA said, it will more than likely be a confirmation of yet another loss.

The waiting this weekend will probably kill me. Should I be upset yet, should I be happy that I am pregnant, should I not stress about it (stress never does anyone any good), should I just ignore the news I got yesterday?

I have only told my mother - I did not tell anyone else that knew I was pregnant. I am not really sure why I did that. But telling my mother is never a good thing.

I am sure I posted about what my mother said to me after my last loss. It might be on my other blog. Anyway, I can probably write a book to send to all mothers whose children suffer a loss.

She just says the dumbest things. I am sure she does not mean to be hurtful - and I correct her right away - but she keeps going.

I even got different ones this time around:

1 - you did not give your body enough time to adjust after your last m/c - really? 3 cycles is not enough time? I guess you know better than my doctor?

2 - maybe you just just stop treatments - maybe your body is telling you something? Yup, that was one of my favorites.

3 - it probably has something to do with the fact that you had to use IUI - Oh, yeah, I forgot, IUI is now considered in the same class as voodoo.

4 - I told here that we will have the tissues tested again if we have to have a D&C. And if it came back with chromosome issues, we might have to go to IVF with PGD. She asked what that was and I explained in detail what it was. She came back with - Well, I hope you don't go that route, seems so invasive just to have a kid. Yes, it is invasive....but I don't think so extreme that it should not be considered.

5 - When I explained what was seen in the u/s (no yolk, no fetal pole), she said - Well, that means you are not really pregnant, right? Yup, not pregnant. My body has been producing pregnancy hormones for a month now but I am obviously not pregnant.

EDIT: - my mom of course called me today and this comment has got to be my new favorite.

6 - You tested way too early. Back in the day, you had to miss 2 periods before you would even test. So, if you waited, you would never miscarried - it would have been just a late period. Do I even have to give a response to this one????

You just have to love moms.

I really should have just lied and said the machine was not working and have to go back on Monday. I know she will call me every hour to see how I am doing. Which don't get me wrong - it is very nice and loving, etc. But, right now, it is really not what I want to hear.