What I did today to keep myself busy

It is amazing what you can do when you do not read message boards all day. I bought this really pretty fabric the other day knowing I was going to make a small quilt (um, for a baby). I have some friends that are pregnant and even thougth I do not know what they are having, I wanted to make a girly quilt. I figured if everyone has a boy, then I can either just use it myself as a couch throw or give it to my sister (preg with a girl).

I did some other stuff like laundry and hung some pictures, but this took most of my afternoon. I am impressed that I actually finished it. I have about 7 quilts that are just the front, no batting, no back. I even ran out of thread and went to the store to get more, came back and finished it.

So, here are some pics of the finished product, it is not perfect, but- really who cares.

Oh - you can also see my new kitchen floor - looks like title, right?? Nope, laminate that look just like title and it is easier to keep clean.

The Infertility & Miscarriage Story of Me

I noticed that I have some new readers....hello, and thanks for reading.

Since I did the story of my son, and already had the story of my house, I thought it would be a good time to tell the quick story of me - well at least the IF and M/C story...

Got married in Dec 2005. We threw out the bcp in Oct 2006, thinking of course that we could plan when our baby was born. Yeah, right.

I kind of knew something was up. My first cycle after bcp was 110 days long. I never called the doc because ever week or so I SWORE I must be preg. Nope. At about 100 days, I finally called the doc and was Rx provera to bring on a period.

Next cycle was 70+ days, again provera.

By May 2007, the doc Rx Clomid. I did a few rounds of Clomid with my OB with no success.

By 1 year trying I was thinking about going to an RE - but kept putting it off thinking that I could do it on my own. By this time, my cycles were a little more in the "normal" range and I even got a few + OPKs.

I finally made an appt in Jan 2008 to see an RE. At the first visit I was Dx with PCOS. They wanted to start clomid, trigger, IUI that same cycle. Did all the tests (hsg, sa, etc) and did IUI that next cycle.

We were successful with IUI#1!! but we lost the heartbeat at 8 weeks. D&C at 8.5 weeks (March 2008). Loss was determined to be due to Trisomy 22.

I was hoping for a cycle after m/c miracle - no such luck.

Took over 6 weeks to get post d&c period. We had to do a clomid + TI cycle because of travel,etc - no surprise, BFN

Did another Clomid, trigger, IUI in June 2008 (IUI#2) and were again successful. We lost this pregnancy at 6.5 weeks. Another D&C (July 2008 - 2nd in less than 4 months). The results of the D&C were inconclusive.

We did the recurrent loss panel and it was determined that I have the MTHFR gene mutation. I was Rx Folgard - although the studies on MTHFR and m/c are up for debate. We also did the full genetic work-up on both of us - we are both fine genetically.

Again, it took 6 weeks to get post d&c period.

We did IUI#3 (Sept 2008)- this time with injectables (follistim, cetrotide, ovidrel) and it was a success.

I had some bleeding issues on 12dpiui, 13dpiui, 14dpiui and part of 15dpiui. My betas rose as expected and the doc did not seem too concerned about the bleeding. That is of course until my beta at 4w6d at which point the beta dropped drastically. M/C #3 (Sept 2008).

This is my third loss in 6 months. We are currently on an emotional break. But that might be a forever break.

I am taking a break from the boards

I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be taking a break from all the message boards for a while. I am sure I won't be able to stay away long, but for now all updates (if any) will be to my blog.

The story of my son

I got 2 comments on my last post - I guess it is kind of weird that I have a son already and I am having so many issues getting and staying pregnant.

So, I guess it is easiest to answer the question here so that many know the story.

I did blog about this a long time ago, here are the links:
19 & pregnant and 19 & pregnant (cont)

Long story short:
~ Lost my virginity at 19 to a long term boyfriend.
~ Broke up with said boyfriend 2 days after "the deed"
~ Started hanging out with a guy - friends at first for a few months
~ Guy convinced me that sex was no big deal
~ 3 weeks later I am knocked up
~ Guy breaks up with me the day I tell him I am pregnant
~ Raised my son as a single mom for 11 years at which point I marry my husband
~ Started TTC when I was 32 yrs old. I am now 34 years old

Trust me - I think about it each and every day. How is it that I was able to get pregnant, probably within a week of my first intimate relationship (don't count guy #1) and now I am having such a hard time.

Of course things like age, weight, etc obviously factor into the mix. But, come on!?!? How many teen moms do you know that have trouble later on. I don't know any.

I do find it annoying that I get pregnant with a 100% loser with no problem and the man that I love to death and want to have a baby with, I can't. And just a FYI - my husband has NO fertility issues. He is 100% perfect. We also both had genetic testing done and we are BOTH fine.

I am pretty much an open book, so no question will really ever offend me - please ask away.

If you would like me you expand on anything, just ask.

You can see how totally young I was in this pic. Colin was probably 2 and a 1/2 or so?? And yes, I know I look about 12 yrs old.

Another gem from my mother

I know my mom does not know what to say, but EVERYTHING she says hurts me. I blogged about this with my second loss HERE. I don't know if she is just throwing out things that she thinks will make me feel better, or if she really believes them.

Yesterday I got the following:

"It is not natural to be pregnant 3 times in 7 months, obviously your body knows that and it is telling you something"

Yay, it is telling me that my mom is a crackhead.

and

"This is not fair to [my son], this is a lot for him. BTW - my son only knows about the first pregnancy and loss. And my mom knows this - so I am not sure what this means.


I am close to my mother, and I regrettably feel like we have grown apart since March - mainly because I just can't talk to her anymore. I tell her that she hurts my feelings and she keeps going.

I cried myself to sleep last night

Last night I cried myself to sleep. If you can call it sleep. I slept maybe a total of 3 hours last night.

This is one of the lowest times of my life - you really can not imagine how bad this hurts. I would not wish this extreme pain on my worst enemy.

I know I posted after m/c#2 how bad I hurt. I can tell you with 100% certainty that those feelings were nothing.

We will be taking a much needed break. Maybe start again with the new year - maybe not start again ever. I know nothing has a guarantee, but, I just can not go through this again. My heart hurts too much.

To want something so badly, only to have it ripped away from you is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Colin knows something is up - I told him I have the flu. You can tell he is worried about me and it breaks my heart.

m/c # 3

Beta went from 262 to 129

The End