Monday, March 24, 2008

No, I am not OK

I would never have thought that a miscarriage and then a D&C would be one of the worst moments of my life. Sure, I knew people were sad after a m/c and thought for sure that if it ever happen to me I would be sad also.

But, nothing has prepared me for the extreme amount of emotional pain that I am in right now.

Last year, my sister suffered a miscarriage, I was upset for her (of course), but if I would have known that she felt anything like I feel - then I would have reached out more for her. I would have asked more if she was OK. I would not have believed her when she said she was fine.

The past few days have been horrible for me. The littlest thing makes me so upset. We were suposed to share our good news on Easter. Instead, at church I was constantly reminded that "he" died on Friday. I know the pastor is talking about Jesus, but I hear "my baby died on Friday" (the day of my D&C).

I have to go back to work today - physically I am fine. No pain and no bleeding from the D&C. But, I am in the worst emotional pain that I have ever felt.

I know time heals all wounds, but this wound will forever bleed.

Since my other blog was created as a pregnancy blog, all future updates will be on this blog. I hope in the near future I can start another pregnancy blog.

Here is the link to my other blog.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts/prayers.


Maria (MKC101103) said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have had three losses and gone through this unimaginable pain each and every time. I know it does not seem like it, but it will get easier. It will never go away, but there will come a time when you don't cry every day.

A nestie shared this with me after one of my losses and I want to share it with you...

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Delilah said...

Amy I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could take your pain away. Please, please, please if you need anything at all don't hesitate to ask.

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