I feel like a bad mom

I really feel like a horrible mom.

I won't go into details beacuse I would like to keep a lot of private. But, I feel like I failed Colin somehow. There is a situation that seems to repeat itself over and over again.

Colin is a GOOD kid - he really is. But, it seems like what is going on is my fault - I know it is not, but I can't help but think that if I raised him different, or was a stay at home mom, or only worked part time, etc that thing would be a little different.

This has NOTHING to do with my marriage - or my husband, it is something that has been going on for about 6 years.

We keep having the same converstion over and over again, things change for about a week and then they go right back the way they were. This has been going on for years now. It seems like it is never getting better. I seriously think that because he is a cute kid, polite most of the time, a little boy, etc that people let him get away with so much more.

It is hard to write about this without full disclosure. But, it upsets me so much to even think about it. I try to be calm with him. I remember how much I HATED my father. Hated the way he spoke to me. Hated the way he belittled me. I NEVER want Colin to feel that way about me.

I have a bad temper sometimes, I think I am sometimes too hard on Colin. Things have to be said, I just hope he won't hate me in the end.

I have looked into getting some additional help for this situation, but most things are so much more extreme that what I think we need right now. Right now, I am at a loss about how to help him. I have tried so much already.