Wow - bad blooger. Our Intent to Adopt Letter

Wow - I am a bad blogger.

Lil J's case was changed to adoption. It really does not mean a heck of a lot, since bio still can work her plan. But with this change, we get another caseworker, and the time in our house then counts towards the minimum required time before adoption.

We had to submit a letter, basically putting it on record that we would like to adopt him.

Here is my letter. I did not delete the things that are specific to him, as it really does not have anything to do with his case (there is a lot more that I did not include in this letter, but in previous letters) I did delete the things that have to do with his mother.

I tried to keep it half "formal" and half casual - but not too sappy

We, the undersigned, are resource parents for Lil J . Please accept this letter as our official request to be considered as adoptive parents of Lil J.

Lil J was placed with us on March 11, 2009. On that day, he not only became part of our home, but part of our family. Therefore, we are requesting that the courts legally declare what we have felt in our hearts since day one.

At the time of his placement, Lil J had some behavior problems. One of which was severe food issues. He would eat large amounts of food and would cause himself to choke after almost every meal. Lil J was also climbing into cabinets, attempting to eat food out of the trashcan, taking any food within his reach, and eating anything he would find on the floor (crumbs, dirt, hair, etc).

Since he has been in our home, we have worked very hard to resolve Lil J’s food habits. He has come to understand that he will be fed on a regular basis and are pleased to say that he has made major improvements in this area.

In addition to the food issues, when Lil J was first placed with us he would throw a fit if you asked him to say please. When asked to say “Please”, he would scream, “NO” for about 15 minutes and would throw himself on the floor. It was very clear that, prior to living with us, he had some bad experience with this request.

Since in our care, we have used positive reinforcement with all manners and now Lil J is becoming a very polite child. It is something that we are committed to reinforcing throughout his life, and plan to teach him how to be a true gentleman.

We thoroughly enjoy having Lil J as part of our family. We have included him in all family activities and celebrations. Lil J loved meeting our VERY large extended family. In fact, we have almost 100 aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, nieces, and nephews that have welcomed him with open arms.

We have also taken trips to amusement parks, zoos, museums, and even spent some time on vacation at the New Jersey Shore. We plan to continue these excursions in the years to come and look forward to having Lil J make lasting memories with our family.

Our 15 year old son, Colin, really embraced the new role of big brother to Lil J. Lil J counts the minutes until he comes home from school and runs into his arms each and every time.

We also have an infant daughter, Cora. Cora was born in September 2009 and Lil J loves her very much. He had no problems giving his love and affection with the newest family member. He is very sweet towards her and never expressed any jealously issues at all.

Our family, including Lil J, has made so many changes since March 2009, and we would not change one minute of it.

If reunification with his mother is not possible, we would be honored to be considered as a permanent, adoptive home for Lil J.

Enclosed with this letter are several pictures of taken since his placement in our home.

Respectfully submitted,

Huggies SUCK

That is correct, I am saying that one of the largest diaper companies, Huggies, sucks. I would normally try to split up a brand name so that it can not be found using an internet search, but trust me, I WANT this one found.

For a few days now, I have been seeing a Huggies commercial that annoys the crap out of me. It is for free diapers for a year.

Now, that sounds like a great deal, right???? I mean, I can totally use free diapers for a year, who couldn't?

Well, I guess the marketing execs at Huggies wanted a funny or cute commercial. But, instead all they did was to make an ass out of themselves.

The commercial basically says that in order to qualify all you have to do is:

- Have sperm meet egg
- Have a pregnancy glow for about nine months
- Deal with morning sickness
- Deal with people patting your belly
- Rush to the hospital
- Deliver your miracle

Yup, that is correct, it says you would only qualify if you BIRTH a child. Yes, I understand that the majority of women will actually give birth to their children. And, yes, I did read the actual rules of the contest and it does NOT say that you actually have to give birth.

But, the commercial itselfs leads people to believe that if you choose to have a child any other way than birthing that child, then you do not qualify for the contest.

It really hit a cord with me. I find it annoying. My husband thinks that I am overly sensitive about it.

I did e-mail the company, only to get a super canned response. The same response that others have received as well.

I was not able to find the video on-line...so since I have DVR, I figured I would just rewind when I saw the commercial. Well, it did not take long until I saw it again.

Here is the video, please note that it took many many tries to not have a yelling child in the background..this is the best I got. Please excuse the yelling child in the back, he is just as mad as I am lol

We are LICENSED!

Just got the official word...we are licensed for fost/adopt and straight adopt!

We already got a call last week (we did not take it), so I knew it was just a matter of time before we got the word that we had an official license.

I am shaking I am so damn excited!

Just wanted to share :)

Just in case anyone is wondering, the placement call from last week was for a 14 year old boy. Our age range is 0-5. Plus, we have a 14 yr old boy already. But, as it turns out, Frank knows someone at work that is a licensed resource parent that WANTS high school boys. We told our worker about her and they might get him. Win win all around.

Now, we wait for our turn. I am so excited!

Yes, we are still moving forward with our adoption plans..

This seems to be a big question when we tell people that I am pregnant is if we are still going forward with the fost/adopt.

The short answer is YES!

The long answer is, we have be trying to have children for a long time time. Ever since before we were even married, we both knew we wanted to have a big family. So, when we decided to go forward with fost/adopt, we really jumped in feet first.

We learned so much about the process, so much about the kids, so much about everything. It became something that was very important to our whole family. I am not just talking about my husband and my son, I am talking about everyone.

Plus, this pregnancy may just be a fluke. What if I am never able to get pregnant on my own. Then we would have to do the whole process over again. No thank you.

The only thing that is changing is the number of children that we will accept. We really never wanted more than 3 MAX. So, now, we are going to do a max of 2. As indicated in our final home inspection, our 3rd bedroom is large enough for 3 children. So, that wil really be our max.

We will just figure things out - that is what we just have to do. I am honestly not worried about it at all.

But, I will NEED a new car; probably a mini van. With the possiblity of 4 kids and 2 grown ups, we will never fit in a sedan. I am sure it will be a used van, but I really don't care :)

So, I just wanted to let everyone know what the plan is.

Wow - I am boring

It is amazing how boring my life really is when I am not going through IF treatments. It is like pulling teeth to come up with something to write on here.

I still have not heard from the investigator to set up the appointment for the state inspection. But, I know that she might be busy and she does have until the end of the month. Heck, I could hear from her on Feb 26th. Well, I am sure it will not go that late. Why, do I know this? Well, because I will call my worker probably 1 week before the 27th if something is not scheduled by then. Yes, I am that annoying person.

It is nice to finally have a specific deadline that I can look forward to. I know there is no guarantee that we will get placement right away, but I am hopeful that we will have a placement by Easter (April 12). That give a month and a half after the latest inspection date of 2-27. Licensing should happen asap after the final state inspection. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Adopt Update!

Ok - way back over two months ago, all of our paperwork was submitted. Most everything came back quickly. It is a lot (personal references, fingerprints, medical references, education references (for my son), employment references, financial references, police checks, etc, etc, etc)

Before moving to my current state, I lived in New York City. They were sent the request for a police check 4 times since the end of Nov. The request was sent to several addresses, and even was faxed twice.

It was the only thing that was still pending. About a month ago, we were notified that everything else was submitted, and the ONLY thing holding us up was this local police check.

I called about 2 weeks ago to the actual police dept and got the total run around. Informed my worker of this jjust to give her a heads up. Well apparently, they thought enough was enough.

I was just informed that they filed an exception and we are moving forward without this check!

I guess they figured that 1) anything major would have come up under the federal fingerprint check; 2) anything on there was a minimum of 4 years ago and they only do local checks for the last 5 years; and 3) everything else came back squeeky clean.

The state only has 30 days (from Jan 27th) to do the final state inspection. Once that inspection is done, it only takes a few days to get our license!!!!!

I am just so so excited, it is a step in the right direction!

OMG - So Excited!

We finally got word about the radiators - we are FINE!!!!!!

My worker spoke directly to the actual inspector that will be doing our inspection. She said that the radiators fall into a "supervision" category. This means that is is in the same category as making sure a child does not touch a hot stove or get into the unlocked liquor cabinet (which by the way is high up - but not locked).

We found out on Friday but I was away for the weekend. I could not be happier. Also in the same conversation, we found out that the local police report from our town has come in and we are just waiting for the local report from my last town. It has been sent 3 times now. Yup - that is right.

The forms have been sent three times. The first two were sent to the wrong precinct. There are over half a million people in my last "town" so of course there are more than one police stations. When we had our local inspection, I questioned where it was sent (at the advice of my husband) and that is when I learned that it was sent to the wrong place. The paperwork was sent for the third time about 1/7 or so. I plan to call the actual police dept this week just to make sure they actually received it. This is the LAST thing that is needed. Of course after this is received, we still have to do the state inspection. My worker still has not said if I can schedule the state inspection if all the paperwork is not on file. Kind of annoying waiting for other people to do stuff - stuff that I have no control over.

This week will be the 60 day mark from when the paperwork was received by the local child services dept. But, about 90 days since we submitted our initial application. I know I have to go by the first timeline and I think it sucks that I can't count that first month. Well, I guess I could, we did take our classes in that first month. But, we would have been able to do the classes and the paperwork. I know I should not dwell on this over and over, since what is done is done, but I am just overly anxious.

......................
On another topic - I am thinking about combining all my blogs.

It seems like I do not have enough info to post of several. But if you combine the blogs, I have enough for multiple updates. I am not sure if I will keep the main on and add all these posts (obviously much easier) or change the blog totally. Let me know what you think about this idea.

Oh - just an FYI - once we receive placement, all pictures would be on a blog that has a password.

Just an adoption Update

The update is that there is no update. We are still waiting for some police checks to come in and we still have our final State License Inspection.

It is like TTC, you wait and hope for the best - only to be disappointed month after month.

I know it will happen, but it seems like everything is another delay.

So, really no update

I just lost it over a twin bed...

When we moved into our house, we set aside one bedroom as a kids room. We painted in a neutral sage color knowing that we would not want to paint it again.

It has been used as a storage room while we did major renovations on our house. It helped me emotionally that the room was not stark empty.

But, now the room is cleared out and there is a crib and a twin bed in there. We are having our 1st of 2 home inspections tomorrow so our room has to be ready for at least 2 placements.

And, since we are willing to accept ages birth to 5 yrs old, we had to have a crib and a bed. We bought a bunk bed set that can be separate.

We assembled one of the beds and the crib was set up a few weeks ago. The bed has been made and the crib now has a sheet and a little blanket.

It was just the realization that the room is FINALLY going to be used for the intended purpose and I just lost it.

Granted, the room is very simple, nothing matches, everything is second hand - but, it will be filled with a child soon and I guess that is the best thing that could ever go in there.

I just can't believe that more children in our house is not just a dream, but will be a reality.

The bedding that is on the twin bed is for a girl - but it was what we got for free so it is fine for now. Our plan is to buy bedding once we get a placement. If we get a girl that needs a twin, then we will just keep the current bedding. If we get two girls, we might just get one that has similar colors as the one that we have. Boys will eventually need new bedding. The set that we have is REALLY girly.

So, here is our super basic room that will be a little more decorated in the future.

Scheduled the 1st Home Inspection :)

Spoke to our worker this week. ya know to ask what the status of everything was. We are still waiting on our local police report and the police report from my previous town.

Kind of funny that the two things that are needed are from two small towns. Does not surprise me, expecially since there were holidays in there. Last year I hit a deer and it took over a month to get that police report because the ONE person that does it was on vacation.

Previously, she told us that we could not schedule the first of two home inspections until all the paperwork was submitted. She said that was because the state inspection must be within a certain time frame from her inspection. I guess she thinks these reports will be submitted soon because she scheduled our 1st home inspection for Monday. The home inspection is really the last step of the home study.

She has been to our house several times and did a "once over" to see if there were any OBVIOUS reasons why we would fail home inspection. But on Monday she is really looking at the house with a fine tooth comb. She wants to make sure the house will pass when the state comes out for their inspection.

Our house is very recently renovated so I don't think there will be any big things. We have locked up the meds and put the cleaners up high. We bought brand new smoke and CO2 detectors and had the fire dept check our fire extingishers.

To be honest, the thing that I am most concerned about is our 100 yr old cast iron radiators. The only thing that is putting me at ease is the fact that about 75% of my town have these same radiators. And I KNOW there are other resource families in our town.

So, this weekend we will be doing another good clean job - but not too clean as was suggested by another resource family. And to be honest, we will declutter the house, clean up the kitchen, wipe down the bathroom, make sure all the beds are made, etc. I was told that state inspectors are a little leary about super clean houses. I guess they wonder what will happen when kids come in and mess up the house.

Oh - also, the room has to be set up. We have a crib and we are getting a set of bunks tomorrow. The bunks are actual beds that just stack as bunks. We are going to just set one up and the crib. This was we are not putting together two beds and it turns out that we only need one.

I will take some pics this weekend when it is all done. But, it will really just be semi-done because we will do most of the decorating once we get placement.

So, yay - moving forward

Yup - still waiting

I am planning on calling our resource worker on Monday just to get a status update. You know, find out what has come in and what is still pending.

I am sure the Holiday is not helping our timeline. For a while, I really thought we would be licensed by year end, that does not look it is going to happen. Not unless this coming week our worker works like a rock star lol.

Our worker told us that once everything is returned, then she needs to do one last home inspection and then the state comes to do their inspection. I guess it is possible that it could happen this week. But, another holiday, another delay.

Everywhere we go, I look at the kids. Especially when I am somewhere during the school day. I look at this kids and think, "the kid(s) that is placed in our home could be around this age" It is kind of cool.

I really want to decorate the room. But since we don't know the age or the sex, this is kind of hard. A 4 year old would not want a room decorated the same way that a newborn would.

Right now the room is a neutral green, which will not change. But, I do no want to buy bedding sets until we get placement. We have basic sheets and always have blankets in the house. But the actual stuff that will be in the room has not been purchased.

We got a $100 gift card as a "reward" from a points credit card - it is actually a debit card that we use for EVERYTHING.

We will use that gift card when we get placement. We have been collecting most of the big stuff - crib, stroller, car seats, etc. Basically just enough to get by when we get placement. I am sure there will be a huge trip to the store within a few days of placement. But, at least having the gift card will offset some of the expenses.

We are also working on getting some beds, I hope it works out because it is a great deal.

Wait and then wait some more

Right now we are in a holding pattern. Our stuff has been done - but we are waiting for some of the police checks to come back. We were contacted yesterday for some little things - I faxed them today.

And now we wait. But I also got confirmation that my neighbor FINALLY submitted her references. Yeah, it only took her 3 weeks.

I really hope I do not have to deal with her anymore. She is a big slacker!

Um, should I hold it hostage?

I have posted my frustration with my neighbor. She has issues with sticking to a reasonable timeline.

When I first spoke to her, she advised me to use her as a reference. We needed on for a neighbor anyway, so thought this was a great idea.

The reference packages were mailed over a week ago and I got confirmation that one was mailed to her. I will not get confirmation that the package has been returned until I speak to my worker tomorrow.

Anyway, the husband of said neighbor just came up to me and asked if I can sign for a package tomorrow. He won't be around and well, I will.

Should I hold the package hostage???? I am just kidding - but I really should.

Maybe I will get lucky and she felt bad about holding up the paperwork and she returned everything already.

My husband has his individual interview tomorrow, and I have mine (along with my son as well) on Wednesday. i just have to remind my husband not to overshare. He has a habit of going off on tangents.

I am hoping that we can schedule our last appointment with our worker early next week. Then we fall into christmas week, and I am sure lots of people will be on vacation, etc.

Hoping we are done by year end - but I guess we will wait and see. Things like fingerprints and background checks may take a while.

Fost/Adopt and Adoption Timeline and other info

I just wanted to put up a post that goes over some important things. I know some people think that once we get a placement that that child is "our". Now, while we will always treat all children in our house as ours, they actually won't be. And, yes - this can take a long time.

Note: I have no idea what things are like in other states, this will be info for my state (NJ).

We will be licenesed for two types of services offered through the state: Adoption and Fost/Adopt.

First definations. Adoption allows us to adopt children that have already had their parental rights terminated. These children are probably living in a foster home with foster parents that for whatever reason do not want to adopt these kids.

Now, before you start thinking "well, they don't want to adopt these kids because they are the "bad" ones" - that is usually NOT the case. There are lots of parents that only want to foster. Parents that only want to prepare kids for a prem family. Parents that are older and really can not make the long term commitment to adopt.

So, there are lots and lots of kids that are readily available. Why don't we just do this you might ask? Well, the majority of these kids are much older than we are looking to place in our home. But, there still may be some situations that fall into our preferances. And yes, we could get younger children - but as I will explain in a moment, because of the timelines, a child will probably be older.

Since rights are already terminated, this process will be quicker than fost/adopt.

Fost/Adopt: With Fost/Adopt you will receive placment into your home of a child that was removed from the birth parents. Children can be removed for several reasons, I won't get into that now though. With Fost/Adopt, you are commiting yourself to adopting the child if the child becomes available. But, just because you say you will adopt, does not always mean that the child will become available.

Once children are removed, the bio parents have 12-15 months to clean up their act and do what the judge orders to get their children back. Again, I won't go into detail about what the parents have to do. But, during that time, the bios can do nothing or everything. Note: the 12-15 months is a total time. So, if kids were removed previously, that time still counts towards the total.

That said, statistics show that if bios do not do what the judge orders in the first 90 days, they probably won't. This is just statistics, not opinion. But, just because they don't do anything in the first 90 days, does not mean that they still don't get the full 12-15 months. This is always a possibility.

During the first 90 days, we will probably be told the opinion of our case worker if they think there is a possibility of termination of rights. And at that time, they will again ask if we would adopt if they children became available.

Even though the bios have 12-15 months, any parent can decide themselves to terminate their rights.

At about the 12-15 month mark, all case workers will meet with the family court judge. They will all have their own documentation on the case. At that time, the judge could change the case plan to termination or rights. Up until that point, reuinification is always the actual plan.

If the plan is changed to termination, it takes about 6-7 months for rights to actually be terminated. Again during that time the bios have a chance to appeal this decision - and again get a chance to do what the judge orders.

After the 6-7 months, the rights are then terminated. At this point, the bios can never get their kids back. Now, for us - these kids would be in our home, but for others children, it is at this point that they become free and clear for adoption and if the foster parents decide not to adopt, we could. At this point, it could be a min of 1.5 years from placement (assuming 1st removal) - 12 months + 6 months.

But, just becasue rights are teminated does not mean that the adoption is final. Nope, more waiting.

After rights are terminated, it can take another 6-7 months for the adoption to be final. Again, during this time the bios can not get their kids back.

Now, remember - the 12-15 months is total of all removals. So, if a child is removed from bios and then after 6 months goes back. But it then these same kids are removed again, they only have a max of 9 months left to do the judges orders. It is possible that we receive placement with a child that is a second time removal, this would speed up our process of course.

There may also be times when rights are terminated in less time than the 12-15 months. Situations like if a bio is in jail for a crime against the child - they will never get their kids back. Also, if a bio is in jail for other offenses and have a long sentence, they may have rights terminated sooner. I am sure there are lots and lots of other situations too.

So, assuming we are the first placement, we could have a child in our home for about 2.5 years before finalization. Here is the math.

Least amount of time:
12 months + 6 months + 6 months = 2 years

Longest amount of time:
15 months + 7 months + 7 months = 29 months = almost 2.5 years.

It could be a very long time. And, there will always be the possibility that these kids will go home. That is something we are not looking forward to at all. But, I will voice my opinion on that another time.

Sorry, this turned out so long. But, I just wanted to put this info out there.

First Home Visit Completed

Yesterday was our first Home Visit in the foster/adoption process, we are actually getting stuff done. We also told Frank's family all about it - we really had to. We wanted to say something on Thanksgiving, but that never really happened. The reaction was very different than my family's reaction, but good non the less.

Anyway, you can read all about the home visit on my adoption blog.

Finished Class and got assigned!!!!

First, today was the last day of our class. YAY! The month went really fast.

Second, I got my resource worker assigned. I wonder if they felt bad that my paperwork was held up for a MONTH.

Anyway, we have our worker and she will do our homestudy (inspection, backgrounds, references, fingerprints, etc). We have scheduled our fingerprints for next Tuesday.

I hope the rest of the paperwork goes smoothly.

yay for one thing crossed off the list.

Missed class #4

My husband went without me to Class #4. And it was a class that I really wanted to go to. There was going to be a nurse visiting and I had a bunch of questions.

Anyway, the trainer said that I could either make up the class by just reading the chapter, or could go over the stuff when our home inspection is done. Both ways are easy.

I missed because I had to take my son to the ER - you can read about all the details on my main blog.

And, I am starting to reconsider the types of children we will accept for placement. We have always said that we would consider age 0-5, this is staying the same. We said we would take a sibling group of 2, this is staying the same. We have said that we would probably only want a Caucasian child. This may be changing.

When I say "we" - I really mean me. my husband keeps saying that he does not care. I know, I know - I should not care either. After all we want a child in our home. Does it really matter what race?

Before I get totally flamed about this post, please let me assure you that I am not a racist person at all. But I thought it might be easier to raise a child that more resembles my husband and I.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that not even my biological child looks like me. Both my husband and I are about as fair as they come. We get a sunburn in the shade. My son always has a great tan, has brown hair and brown eyes. My husband and are blonde (ish) and both have light eyes.

In fact, besides that fact that I look young, many people think I am a babysitter.

Again, the more I think about it, the more I think that we should consider all races. And no, I am not settling. I am just realizing that there are more important things in a family than race.

Some things we learned so far...

We have had 3 classes so far. Again, the trainer is just all over the place - but a super nice guy. We are actually hoping he is the one assigned to our case.

Yesterday's class was about attachment and the issues with attachment disorders. There was a new guy in the class and he was a big jerk. He obviously has kids in his care, so I am not sure why he is at class. Maybe the class is a new requirement since his last placement.

We got off topic (what a surprise) and he made a comment that made me upset. In fact, the whole class was emotional in one way or another for a lot of the class.

We were talking about when kids go back, how sometimes, according to the foster parents, is not in the best interest of the child.

This guy has a child in his house and the mom has been doing everything she was told to do. She has showed up to all visits, got a job, got an apartment, went to treatment and is clean, etc. The guy was BITCHING that the mom works but her job has an 11-8 shift. The kid must be school age. He was saying that this mom was not being a good mom to this kid because she would only see him for about an hour in the moring and an hour at night (maybe). She was also a single mom.

Well, this hit a nerve with me. So much so that when I raised my hand to comment, I started to cry. I was a single mom for 11 years before I got married. A lot of the early years I probably only saw my son a few hours a day. I was a full time student and worked full time at night. I did what I had to do to provide the best for my son. If that meant he was in daycare while I worked, well that is what it was. My son is a great kid.

The past few weeks I started thinking about these moms that have their kids taken away. When doing foster care (or fost/adopt), we need to remember that the goal of Children's Services is to return the children to their parents. To educate the parents how to be a better parent. To help the parent receive services she is intitled to.

Everyone talks about wanting to keep a child - and of course any child that is placed with us we would want to become a permanant member of our family. But, the best situation for us means that a mother loses her child. And, I don't care how bad you have it, I think a mother ALWAYS loves her child.

So, if a mom (or dad) does what she is asked, turns her life around, really loves and wants her kids, how can I be upset about it. The children are her children.

I would prefer any placements be those that have a good chance of staying with us, but I will also pray for that mom - she lost a very precious gift. I know I will be distrought if a placement has to be returned.

Some satistics - according to our trainer, he said about 40% of children are returned to their parents (or a relative). Out of those returned, about 20% will be removed again. Once children are removed again, the original time in the "system" counts toward the manadated timeline to start the termination of parental rights.

Timeline - A parent has a max of 12-15 months to work with Children's Sevices to "clean up their act". At the end of that time (or before in certain situations), there will 2 main decisions.

1 - the parents are not doing what they are supposed to and the goal is Termination of Parental Rights ("TPR")

2 - the parents ARE doing what they are supposed to and the goal is reunification.

12-15 months does not sound like that long. BUT.........after the 12-15 months, that is when the PLAN to terminate is in place. It takes another 5-7 months to have the court date to actually terminate. And after TPR, there is ANOTHER approx 6 months before the adoption is final.

So, we are looking at a possible 2+ years from placement to adoption.

But, like I said before, the clock does not start at zero if a child is removed, returned to parent, and then re-removed.

Example: I will use a removal at birth so the math is easier.

A child is removed at birth and is placed in a foster or fost/adopt home. The mom decides right away that she will go into treatment, but takes her 2 months to get into a place. Her treatment is 4 months. She stays clean for an additonal 3 months and does everything else that the judge says. The judge returns her child to her when the child is 11 months old (11 months in the system).

The mom has the child for 3 months and relapsed. The child is removed again. That mom now only has a max of 6 months to follow the court orders until a plan is determined (TPR or reunitication). However, once a plan for TPR is made, the parent still has that 5-7 months to get her kids back.

This was new info to me, I thought that at the 12-15 month mark, it was then that the rights were terminated. I did not know about the additional year before a child could be adopted.

Sorry this turned out so long, but it does help to get is all down on "paper"

The story of Adoption

I figured that since I have a story of me (IF & m/c), the story of my son, and the story of my house, that I should also have the story of why we are adopting. I know you can figure it out if you read "The story of Me", but here it is in it's own blog entry.

I have a son who is 14 yrs old, got pregnant as a teen with him (I was 19). So, when I got married when my son was 11, we knew we would add additional children to the mix.

What we did not expect was to have trouble trying to get pregnant.

We tried on our own for over a year before seeing a specialist. From Jan - Aug we did 3 IUI cycles. All of those IUIs resulted in pregnancy. Sadly, all ended in M/C.

After the second m/c, we spoke about adoption. We talked for a long time about why we wanted children. After a while, we realized that none of them had anything to do with giving birth to a child. My husband thought is was a little pre-mature to think about adoption at this point. Afterall, I did get pregnant twice.

After m/c #3, we were given the news that our only option was IVF with PGD (they test the embryos before they are transfered back to make sure they have a correct chromosome make-up). And since one m/c for sure was due to chromosome problems and the likehood that the other 2 were as well, there is a HIGH chance that we would have no good embryos at all.

Plus, this procedure would cost us almost $10K, that is after the insurance. We live on a modest income, in a modest house, and live a modest lifestyle. We do not have tens of thousands of dollars just laying around.

So, we spoke about everything and we agreed that we would start the process of adoption (through foster care). But, we also said that IVF is not totally out of the question. But, the more we got into the process, the less I felt the need to do the IVF.

At first I felt horrible because my husband would probably never have a bio child and I already have one. He has assured me that it does not bother him. My son is not his and he treats him like his own.

I have positive experience with the foster care system, so I always knew that if it ever came to that, adoption through foster care would be our first option. Plus, if we don't have $10K for IVF, we would never have the $$ for private/agency/international adoption. Adoption through foster care cost little or no money.

We submitted our application on October 27, 2008 and we started our required training on November 3, 2008. The class will be done before Thanksgiving. In addition to the class, there is background checks, financial checks, home inspection, reference checks, etc, etc, etc.

So, in a nutshell, that is the Story of why we are adopting. I might add to this post as time passes and updates are needed

1st Class - Check

First Class was yesterday. Very long. it turns out that there are 2 classes a week. And, the last two lessons are on the same day. What does that mean? It means that instead of 8/9 weeks of classes, it is only 4 weeks of class.

Our classes will be over before Thanksgiving.

The class had 8 families - many different situations. We went around the room and had to say what type of care we were doing and our names, etc.

1 - Us. It was totally totally strange to say, "hello, we are ...., we can't have our own children" I guess saying it out loud makes it even more true.

2 - trying to get legal custody of a niece's infant. Placement in their house since 2 weeks old. Goal is reunification.

3 - doing foster care only. I guess they "sponsor" international kids and want to help kids here. Unsure if they would adopt if situation presented itself. Children up to 12 yrs old.

4 - doing foster care only. Have 6 kids between the two of them, but most have left the house. Miss children in the home. Not looking to adopt - only foster. Children up to 10 years old.

5 - trying to get legal custody of cousin's 2 kids. Placement in their house for a few days. Will adopt if cousin does not shape up.

6 - looking to get her 2 grandchildren out of foster care. Children removed 2 months ago, but are not with her now. Goal is permanent placement with her.

7 - looking to get legal custody of her grandchildren. Don't know the rest of her story.

8 - Adoption. She also can not have children. Adopted a child 8 years ago through the system (but was considered a private adoption - I guess it is a long story), then a few years later got a call about a sibling. Private adoption of that one also. A week ago, she got a call from another state's child agency. There is now another sibling that was removed. She is going to adopt this sibling but must go through all the training, since in the past she was not officially licensed through the state.

We do not have a resource worker yet, but the trainer said that by the end of classes we should have one assigned to us. I am trying not to stress over that.

The class was fine, the guy jumped around a lot though. Seemed like he lost his train of thought through out the whole class. We watched a foster care / adoption video that was (no joke) from about 1990.

You know it is bad when the statistics are from the 80's. The situations were pretty unlikely and the acting was BAD!

After the video, we talked about different things and had open discussions.

During a break I asked one of the staff about our situation. Meaning that our goal is adoption and asked if there were kids whose were already "free" for adoption. Of course there are, but 99% of them are older kids. So, it looks like we will be doing fost/adopt. Which of course is fine, but that comes with the legal risk that the children may return to the parents. I guess that is a the chance we will have to take.

But, the trainer also was giving us realistic expectations that a lot of these kids do NOT go back. I guess we will just have to look at each situation as it is presented to us and make a decision based on the info.