19 and Pregnant (Continued)

If you want to follow along, you might want to read the post right below this one.

OK - where was I? Right, break up with year long boyfriend, that I guess I technically lost my virginity to (see below).

Ok, we broke up in late sept? And since it was a new year away at school, there are tons of new people to meet and hang out with. I started hanging out with this guy and his friends that lived on the same floor as me. We would hang out as a group or just watch TV in his room or my room. Just as friends.....well, at first.

By December, we were hanging out all the time, still just as friends. We went to the movies, went to concerts, went to dinner. I really started liking him as more than friends. Over the Christmas break (about 3 weeks) we talked all the time on the phone Yep, regular old land-line long distance, this was way before the internet, AIM, e-mail, cell phones, etc. We are talking about Dec 1993!!!

We were talking every day almost. I kind of knew that we would be more than friends when we got back to school in Jan. Yeah, I was right about that. I don't know if we ever went on an actual date, but it was just assumed that we were a couple.

We started hanging out as a couple in late January. We were fooling around by this time. I told him that I was not "experienced" and he was OK with that for a couple of weeks (2 maybe). So, we were basically doing EVERYTHING else but "IT", and we got to talking.......he basically convinced me that "it really is not that big a deal; it is not like it is life changing; can be a lot of fun"

I really thought, "you know what, he is right" Maybe I put so much pressure on myself for the "first time" and now that it is technically over, why not just enjoy being young.

I could not have been more wrong. "IT" was life changing. About a week after I made the decision to sleep with this guy, I got the strangest feeling. I KNEW I was pregnant. So, I talked the the guy. He said, "don't worry about it...I always pull out". Well, OK then. I was a stupid naive 19 year old with NO experience so I figured he knew what HE was doing.

I can't believe how much trust I put in a guy that I just started being intimate with.

So, wouldn't you know it.....about 2 1/2 weeks into my "intimate" relationship with this guy (the first intimate relationship I ever had) I find out I am pregnant.

I call my sister a few days before my period is due and tell her that even though I am not late, I think I am pregnant. I had planned to go see her at college that weekend and wanted to give her a heads up. Now, way back in 1994, and early pregnancy test was one that you could take as early as 3 days AFTER your missed period. So, this was going to fall during my visit to my sister.

We have our visit, go out partying (no, I did not drink), stay up late, etc. We buy a pregnancy test at the Drug-store across the street from the bus station. My mom would be so proud, it was on sale AND had an attached coupon. For some reason, I can't rememeber why, I do not take the test until I get back to my college.

I take the test, I am pregnant. I don't even remember how I felt. Seriously.....I have no idea.

Here I am, a pregnant 19 year old.

Pregnant from a guy I just started sleeping with less than 3 weeks ago.

Pregnant from a guy that said "sex is no big deal" and "this will not change the rest of your life"

Pregnant and 6 hours from home.

Pregnant while I am a sophmore in college, my dream college.

Pregnant while trying to work 3 jobs to pay for college.

Pregnant and not married.

Pregnant and 19.

I just can not believe it. The guy is pledging a fraternity, so I have to wait to tell him .... wait until at least the next day.

I call my sister and then the next, not really sure what I want them to tell me. Not really if I want to believe them when they say it will be alright.

I really don't sleep that night. my room-mate is bugging me for answers why I seem so distant.

Fast forward to the next day. The guy is on a break from pledging so I have a couple of hours before he has to leave. I go to his room and shut the door.

I tell him.......he tells me that i HAVE to get an abortion..."no way" I say. If I keep the baby, he wants nothing to do with it or with me.

"It won't change your life" ........ words that will stick with me forever.

He breaks up with me on the spot.

I am 19, pregnant, alone, a single mom. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I became a single mom.

I knew my life would never ever be the same.

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My life, of course was never the same since that moment. Still to this day, more than 13 years later....his father really has nothing to do with my son. Two years ago, my son got a dad when I married my husband.

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It really does feel good to get it all out. There is obviously so much more to the story of the last 13 years, maybe I will share it from time to time.