I have had a CRAPPY week

Don't let the previous post fool you - I have had a CRAPPY week. I am not sleeping well. I get up several times a night. Then because I am not working right now, I think about stuff all day long.

Then to top it off, Colin is away this week. Now, while I am thilled that we were able to shield him from this grief this time around, it really would have been nice for me to see his face.

Colin comes home tomorrow - so all will be good in that area.

I am just more of an emotional wreck this time around. It is weird to explain. I am upset - but it is different than the last time. Better, but worse. Told you I can't explain it.

I also feel like I am in limbo on the message boards that I go on. I am definately not on Success After Infertility (SAIF) but don't really belong on Trouble Trying to Concieve (TTTC) because I will not be seeking addional treatments until at least October.

Of course I can go on TTTC and do research on my options and of course see when everyone moves over to SAIF. But right now, I don't think I should answer any posts regarding IUI. People don't want to see that BOTH of my IUIs ended in m/c. I know one has nothing to do with another, but will everyone else see it that way?

I really do love TTTC - the support I get from the women there is unbelievable. I know that I can post there just to vent. I am sure I will have my own questions when it gets closer to October.

I hate just being a lurker - as I was on SAIF since March. But, can't really post there either. I don't really have any "success" stories to share. I still can't believe how many SAIFers have their babies already!!!!

I am also have other physical things going on that are just constant reminders of the fact that I am no longer pregnant. I have to go back to the RE next week to check my levels - I will also talk to them about the other physical things that are going on.

So, I am hoping that next week is better than this one. Because this week has been hell!