April Fools

I really am trying not to dwell. I know it helps people, but for me I do not want to know that it has been XX weeks and XX days since my m/c. I also don't want to remember how far along I would have been on a certain date.

The only way I knew how far along I was in my pregnancy was a ticker that I had. It showed how many weeks and days I was pregnant. I have since deleted it so I really have no idea how far along I should be.

But, today is the last day of the month - so I flipped my calendar to April and there it was.

"April 1 - SOGA @7:30 AM"

I was going to have my first OB appointment on April 1st, April Fool's Day. I would love to go to the drs and have them say "April Fools! you are still pregnant" Obviously I know this will not happen.

I cancelled the appointment of course. But, I guess I forgot that I put it on the calendar.

I am doing better - really I am. But, still sad at times. I know I have the strength to be happy once again.