I wish I could spend more time at the shore

I was fun while it lasted, but I am back from the shore.

I grew up not really liking the shore. And to be honest, up until a few years ago I would probably tell you that I was not really a beach person. The sand in your hair, the sunburn, the flies, the nasty water, yuck.

But, recently, I have found a new appreciation of the shore. I guess because I am older I realize the importance of just chilling. Just watching my kid have a good time. Thinking about nothing except when the next wave will hit the beach.

I never worry about sunburn. OK - I totally WORRY - I am EXTRA careful in the sun. Which is why (I guess) I don't worry about getting a sunburn. I am Casper white and reapply sunblock often - I have not gotten a sunburn in quite a while. Plus - most people would laugh at me on the beach. I have a huge umbrella - not wearing anything revealing (bathing suit, tank top, etc) and I hover under the umbrella trying to keep in the shade.

I love the feeling of the sand on my toes. On a hot day, the sand is really cool just under the surface.

The smell of the ocean immediately relaxes me.

Plus there are things that are just "shore things" that make me smile.

The shore is one of the only places where it is totally acceptable for a teenage boy to be riding a pink "shore" bike. yeah, you know the ones. No one would ever use these bikes unless they are at the shore.

And the Shore houses. No matter what "shore" I have gone to, all the houses look the same. Built on high stilts, huge houses in pastel colors. A traditional house looks out of place.

I don't think I could live there full time - but boy is it great to visit.

I am down the shore!

I am doing a few days down the shore. I will be back sometime on Tuesday.

It should be fun - Colin is bringing on of his friends so we will get to do fun stuff for a few days.

So, I will "see" you on Wednesday!

Girls Weekend - now boys weekend

I was supposed to go down the shore this weekend, Well, really just down on Sat, Back on Sun.

My friend and I planned do this way back in April/May. So, now the weekend is here and yup you guess it - my friend bailed on me.

She claims that it is just too much traffic. Whatever.

Instead, I am going to the shore with Colin. We will go on Sunday to avoid some of the traffic. I told him he could bring a friend or two.

So, my girls weekend turned into Boys Week.

Oh well.

Sometimes it pays to be crafty

We bought inexpensive living room furniture a few years ago - knowing that it was not the best. But right now, we can not afford a brand new living room set. So, we decided that we would just add new pillows to match the room.

I went looking and I could not believe that ONE pillow was $20. I really liked THIS PILLOW from Target, they also sell it in Linens and Things. But, at $20 a pillow, 4 pillows would cost $80.

It really is the perfect pillow, the yellow color matches the walls and the cinnamon color matches the curtains that I picked out.

So, I went to the next aisle and wouldn't you know it - they had matching curtains. A panel curtain (54" X 84") was also $19.99.

I bought the one panel and made 4 pillows out of the one curtain. I used the existing pillows as a pillow form and just added additional stuffing where needed.

So, it saved me $60 and they look exactly the same.

Here is my pillow:

Weird conversation with my pastor

I was doing some volunteering at my church. Our church is part of a program that houses homeless families for a week at a time, then the families move to another church and it rotates.

Some people have meals with the families, some people sleep over at the church, some people do activities and fellowship. Since there were so many people that wanted to help, we were only assigned "activities" for this past Sunday evening. But - we will probably go back again maybe tonight or tomorrow.

It was a great experience for me and for Colin. Since I love doing arts and crafts, especially with children, I brought some simple craft items with me. Making bookmarks, magnets, key rings, etc. It is amazing what you can do with a laminator.

I was thrilled when I found out that the children that would be there were an 8yr old girl, an 11 yr old girl, and a 5yr old boy. These are the perfect ages (and genders) for arts and crafts. A 14 year old boy probably does not want to do arts and crafts - unless you are my kid :)

So, I was talking to the pastor of my church and I said to him that I was thrilled with the age group and gender because these kids actually want to do what I brought. He starts talking about how he always wanted a girl (he had 2 boys) and that his wife always wanted a girl as well.

So, one day, the decided that they would adopt a little girl to complete their family. They wound up adopting twins - a boy and a girl. This was probably about 18 years ago.

OK - so I am rambling. The pastor then turns to Colin and says, "I can tell that you want a sister, you should try to convince your mom to adopt a little girl. I worked for us. Plus you can pick up lots of girls by pushing your sister around in a stroller. Girls just love that"

Colin looks at me and gives me the "why not?" look.

Maybe this is the actual sign from God? It was just a really weird moment.

When we hit the one year mark TTC, my husband and I talked about adoption through the foster care system in our state. We wanted to try medical assistance before we did anything else.

It was just kind of weird that I have this conversation less than a week after my second D&C.

I have had a CRAPPY week

Don't let the previous post fool you - I have had a CRAPPY week. I am not sleeping well. I get up several times a night. Then because I am not working right now, I think about stuff all day long.

Then to top it off, Colin is away this week. Now, while I am thilled that we were able to shield him from this grief this time around, it really would have been nice for me to see his face.

Colin comes home tomorrow - so all will be good in that area.

I am just more of an emotional wreck this time around. It is weird to explain. I am upset - but it is different than the last time. Better, but worse. Told you I can't explain it.

I also feel like I am in limbo on the message boards that I go on. I am definately not on Success After Infertility (SAIF) but don't really belong on Trouble Trying to Concieve (TTTC) because I will not be seeking addional treatments until at least October.

Of course I can go on TTTC and do research on my options and of course see when everyone moves over to SAIF. But right now, I don't think I should answer any posts regarding IUI. People don't want to see that BOTH of my IUIs ended in m/c. I know one has nothing to do with another, but will everyone else see it that way?

I really do love TTTC - the support I get from the women there is unbelievable. I know that I can post there just to vent. I am sure I will have my own questions when it gets closer to October.

I hate just being a lurker - as I was on SAIF since March. But, can't really post there either. I don't really have any "success" stories to share. I still can't believe how many SAIFers have their babies already!!!!

I am also have other physical things going on that are just constant reminders of the fact that I am no longer pregnant. I have to go back to the RE next week to check my levels - I will also talk to them about the other physical things that are going on.

So, I am hoping that next week is better than this one. Because this week has been hell!

I am a weirdo

The way I am keeping my mind off of the miscarriage is to dive head first into planning my sister's BABY shower.

Some reason, my head does not associate a her BABY shower with the loss of mine.

When we were talking about it as a group the other day - I can not lie - there were things that were getting to me. But, by myself - nothing.