Monday, June 30, 2008

Second Beta!

beta # 2 = 626. That is a doubling time of 1.55 days. I am thrilled. I think my son is suspicious, he flat out asked me if I was pregnant.

I flat out told him "Colin these things take time". He is a little kid who has NO concept of time, if I tell him in a few weeks that I am pregnant I doubt he will do the math.

So, I go back on Wed and then hopefully an U/S next week. The only thing that sucks is the fact that my weeks change on a Sat. My local clinic is not open on the weekends. Which means that I have to go to the main clinic if they do the u/s on sat.

I think I might go to the main clinic (at exactly 6 weeks) on the sat. And then for the next u/s just ask if I can do them on the Fri - so I will be 6 weeks 6 days, 7 weeks 6 days, etc.

I want to do the first one at 6+ weeks because the last time we did not see a heartbeat at 6w0d - I would rather wait an extra day and have a better chance of seeing it.

One thing that works on my side is that I did my IUI early, so I am really 2 days ahead - well at least that is what I am thinking.

Friday, June 27, 2008

How can a phone number make you want to throw up

Seeing the phone number from my RE always makes me want to hurl.

Beta # 1 = 165
Progesterone = 30

So, good solid numbers

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Please vote on a ticker

Yup - I am lame. I wanted a different ticker than everyone else. I have a few options:


















Whch one do you like the best??

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Digital says PREGNANT!!!!!

I know I said that I was not going to buy a digital. But, I had a coupon for $1.50 off and a 2 pack was only about 8 bucks at walmart. So, I caved.

The digital says PREGNANT!!!!!

I am over the moom. Frank is excited too. Beta is still not until Friday - but I am confident that I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vibes that this pregnancy ends with a healthy baby.

Because I am lame, I recorded my pregnancy test. It is pretty boring, and as soon as I saw pregnant, I some how stopped recording. So, it is actually in two videos.


The first part:
video

The second part:
video


The final result:


Another Faint Line!

I really thought the line would have gotten darker than yesterday. Especially since I was using first morning urine.

But, there is no mistake, there is a second line there! I still don't believe it though. I know a line is a line, but I would really like something darker.
And, no - I probably will not buy a digital. Too expensive!!
So, as a matter of public service - here are two pictures. There really should be a class on how to properly take pee stick pictures - mine always come out like crap.
I still had to draw an arrow, but I think you can see this line a little better than the one from yesterday.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Yes I am THAT addicted to POAS

I know I have a limited supply of HPTs in the house...so I am not sure why i think I need to use them all....I guess I have a real addiction to POAS.

So, anyway, i just used my last cheapie test. The results??????? Probably the faintest, super light, not even sure if it is actually there, second line.

WHAT!!! That's right, I THINK I see a second line. I even compared it to my other pictures, to see where a positive line would be.

BUT, I don't know if I see a line just because I want to see a line. Even though I KNOW what a stark white test looks like.

Here is a picture - i tried to do a reverse color to see if you could see it like that, nothing.

This is the best picture I could get. I am not even sure if I can see the line in this picture. I drew an arrow where I think the second line is. It is so faint that you really can't even see it - which is why I am not even sure it is real!

I guess I will be testing again tomorrow!!!




I hope this cycle is like the cycle I got pregnant

The cycle I got pregnant, I tested negative at 10dpiui, and 11dpiui (morning). So far, this cycle is the same.

I KNOW (first hand) that these negatives could mean nothing. I am not sure if I will test tomorrow (12 dpiui) or wait until Wednesday. I only have 3 tests in the house - 2 FRER and 1 cheapie. My beta is on Friday.

I am SOOOOO hoping this cycle is exactly like the cycle I got pregnant and will test postive later in the week.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Conversation Breeds Awareness

I was watching Miami Ink last night. There was a touching story about why a man was getting a certain tatoo.

So Sad, his daughter was kidnapped and murdered by a convicted child molestor. He was going from state to state to increase the time served for such offenders - tying to prevent the same from happening to another family.

The story was very upsetting.

He spoke during his tatoo (I am sure not the whole time - it is edited) and spoke really calmly even though you knew it was hard to talk about.

At the very end, the tatoo artist said, "thanks for telling me about the meaning of this tatoo" (or something like that). the guy said, "Conversation breeds awareness"

I love it - and it so true.

I have always been open about all aspects of my life. I never have a problem talking about being a single parent, infertility, and any other piece of my life. You want to know something - just ask.

And unlike my mother (see posts below) - I WANT to talk about my infertility. It really does bring awareness to others that so many women (and men) are dealing with the hardache of infertility. 1 in 6 women suffer. One is six......that is A LOT!

If by me talking about it makes people more aware, then maybe they will share that info with other people, and it will seem like less of a skeleton in the closet type of "secret".

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Facebook make me feel like a loser

There is a section on facebook that you can list your education, your employers, your occupation, etc.

I am sure the goal of this section is to help you find other people. I only have my High School listed because I only went away to school for 2 years and anyone that I want to stay in touch with, I already do. I went to a small school, but do I want those 6000 people contacting me through facebook?

Anyway, some of my High School friends not only list their full education, but some also list their occupation. As I sit there and read these sections, I just can't help but to think how much of a loser I am.

I went to college for 5 years, but I have never had a real career. Yes, I have always had a job - but it was never something that I went to school for.

I have also thought about this in terms of my obituary. You see the see them all the time. Mary Jones was a dedicated {fill in the blank) for 25 years. Mine will read, "Amy has had several jobs over her lifetime, always taking taking the job that paid the bills, but where she never truely loved her job" How sad is that?

Yeah, I know - I can always go back to school or try to get a job that I love (or just not put that in my obituary) - but when I think back - I am just reminded how much I did not acheive. Especially when I compare it to others.

Now, in addition to so many other things, facebook makes me feel like a loser.

UPDATE:
I just wanted to put it out there that I know that my job/career does not define how successful I am in life. I know that any job does not define my whole life. And my family is the most important thing to me. No job will ever be more important. And yes - my obituary would probably say something about being a dedicated mother - even when times were really tough, having a great marriage, being a good friend, maybe even how infertility made me a better person.

I guess I am just a little upset that right now I have NO job - let alone one that I really like.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Colin has officially passed 8th grade

The past few weeks have been hard. Colin still failed one class for the 4th marking period. BUT - he passed every class for the year.

Hard work does pay off.

As of a few weeks ago, he was failing 3 classes for this marking period and there was the possibility that he would fail classes for the year. If he failed any classes for the year, he would need to go to summer school.

So, he passed all his classes for the year = no summer school.

I really think the contract worked. It made him feel like he had a say in the course of action. He is writing me another one for the summer. I guess we will have one forever! It worked for us.

YAY! - 9th grade here we come!

UPDATE: I bought Colin a new wireless guitar for his guitar hero game. His guitar has not worked in several weeks. I gave it to him as a graduation present - and a gift for a job well done. Here he is rocking out on the guitar - look how fast his fingers move!!!! I made the video with my regular camera and did not know it recorded sound. If I knew - I probably would have kept my mouth shut!.
video

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

P4 is only 9.8

Last cycle I was on progesterone. I started 2 or 3 days after TI. When I did the IUI this cycle, I asked if I would still use the progesterone - the PA who did the IUI said, "no, not until we check your levels"

I thought is was strange, because I had my P4 checked today at only 5 dpiui, I usually have it checked at 7 dpiui. I am not the doctor so I go with what they tell me - well most of the time I guess.

My clinic only calls when there is a problem. If you get no call then everything is a-OK. When my phone just rang and I could see that it was the clinic, my hearts starts to beat out of my chest.

My P4 is only 9.8 - they like to see 10 or higher. Which means progesterone shoved up the hoo-ha. Lucky me.

Maybe the did the P4 at 5 days past to catch any low levels early on??? Who knows - I just know that I will be following doctors orders

Thursday, June 12, 2008

How my mom views Infertility



According to my mother - infertility should be a family secret. If I get pregnant this cycle, well, I should keep my mouth shut on how I got there.

What???? 1 in 6 women will find out that they are infertile.

Why is it something that we can't talk about?

Why does it have to be the Elephant in the room that everyone knows is there but no one dares says a word?

I really like this picture

Thanks Melanie - stole it off your facebook page :)

I think this was around Christmas 2007

IUI #2 Done!

I just got home from IUI#2 - it went great.

My husbands post wash count was 55 million!!! Can't complain about that :)

The nurse even said - it was one of the highest she had seen (post wash).

The cycle that we got pregnant, we had 34 million and I was thrilled with that. So, I hope this just makes our chances even better.

I go back on Tues for progesterone check and then my beta is scheduled for Sat, June 28. But, my clinic is a smaller clinic that has several offices. My office is not open on the weekends - only another office that is about 45 -60 minutes away from my house.

The nurse said it would be fine to come in the day early at my regular office and do the beta. At that point I would be 15 dpiui, so not really early.

I have a good feeling about this cycle Yay!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Follie Scan

Had my follie scan today - I have nothing on the left and 3 on the right. I have a 20, 15, &, 11.

I am thrilled with the 20. when we did IUI the last time (and got pregnant) I had a 20 and a 14 - so I think I am in good shape.

I will trigger tonight and do the IUI on Thursday.

My husband and I had a LONG chat last night about the IUI. You see, I lost my job yesterday. We were not sure if doing the IUI would be the best thing - even if I get a job right away (and get pregnant), there is a small possibility that in 9 months I would not qualify for maternity leave.

Even looking for a job, I would not say that either I am TTC or pregnant.

We decided that we are still going to do the IUI on Thursday - like someone said, things have a way of working themselves out. We don't want to sit this cycle out.

So, the job thing - I was looking for a new job anyway. I really was VERY unhappy at my job. I felt I was getting fired. There is just a lot to explain. But, I was totally shocked HOW and WHEN it happened.

Some say that it is a blessing in disguise - now I HAVE to find job - maybe one that I love - as opposed to one that I really don't like, but stay anyway.

I am really upset about the whole thing - I am looking for something closer to home. Gas prices are killing me - especially with an hour commute.

So, wish me luck with the IUI and with the job hunt.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Last week of Middle School - I hope

This week is final's week at Colin's school. I worked really hard with him the past few weeks and helped him make up some missing assignments. So, it looks as though he might just pass (barely).

This means high school in the fall.

A few weeks ago when this all when down (see posts below) - I made him write a contract. It listed all things that he will do to get his grades up. And also listed what would happen it he did not do what is listed on the contract.

So, I think it worked well. I am making him do another one for the summer. He has a reading list anyway, so that will be included.

I am making him read for at least 1/2 hour each day (can be anything - magazine, newspaper, book, etc) and at the end of each week he will write a "one pager"

Since he has to don some of this for his summer reading list anyway - it is like killing two birds with one stone.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Achy Ovaries

I have a cyst on my left ovary. The doc at CD3 said that it looked like it was going away on it's own and that it was probably one of the "smallies" (not big enough to be a follie) that just did not actually ovualte.

So, I have no idea if a cyst should cause any pain, but I have had this dull achy pain in my left side (ovary area).

I guess the pain could also be from the clomid - clomid makes ovaries go into overdrive, so maybe that is it.

But, this is what keeps going through my mind (totally not rational at all).

I had a dream that I had two ectpoics at the same time. I posted about this on my other blog about a week or so ago.

When the doctor called, he just said, "this was not a successfull cycle" - I am assuming that the beta was zero.

So, put everthing together -
1- not sure if beta was actually zero
2- really weird period (see post below)
3- pain in ovary

Yup - I over think things way too much. I know it is not an ectopic pregnancy, I am sure my doctor would have told me if it was not a zero beta, periods are sometimes weird.

So, I am sure everything is fine - but maybe I will take a HPT when I get home. Just for piece of mind.

OH - this is GOOD NEWS:
I am on CD7. I took clomid day 3-7 so today is my last day. I have not had any side effects at all. I hope I am not jinxing myself. But, the last few times, I had bad headaches and visual spots in my vision. NONE!!! of those things - Yay!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Weird Periods are annoying

This post is going to be filled with TMI - just a warning.

Ok - I usually get my period for 2-3 days. Usually by the time I go in for my CD3 u/s, the bleeding is mostly gone. Maybe some spotting on CD3, but usually not enough to even use a tampon.

So, I get my period. Heavy on CD 1 and 2. I go in for my CD3 u/s and I still have bleeding. I know they have seen it all, but I still think it is gross. Anyway, I basically bleed all day. It totally tapers off by the end of the day though.

The next morning (CD4), nothing. I think, "Great, period is over". I have no bleeding at all for the entire day. Maybe a tiny spot here and there when I wipe only.

So, that night my husband and I get frisky. We never have sex during my period, but I thought it was done, so I knew we were in the clear.

Well, in the middle of the night, I felt (TMI AHEAD) really really wet. So, I decided to jump up and go to the bathroom to clean up.

So, I go to the bathroom and wipe - FULL BLOOD. What, I did n0t have any bleeding the entire day and now I have full flow. I use a tampon and go back to bed (pissed off).

I get up the next morning (cd5) and the sheets have spot of blood all over the place. Gross. I never get enough of a period to EVER stain the sheets. Matter of fact - I usually don't get my period at night (weird, I know). I guess this is why I did not think to check the sheets when I got back from the bathroom.

So, all day yesterday, it is on and off of spotting, full flow, nothing. I HATE using pads, but I did because I could never pinpoint when I would have enough to use a tampon. And, I hate using tampons when you really don't need one.

So, today - I STILL have my period. Today is CD6. It is not full flow, but enough that I need to use a pad or a liner.

I know 6 days of a period is still in the norm - which is fine. I just hate thinking that I am done, then wait - no I'm not, yes, no.....It's annoying.

Vent Over :)

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Remember my backsplash problem......

Well, the contractor finally showed up and started the backsplash. I love it. The colors look great. I just can't wait until it is totally finished!!!

Here are a couple of pictures:

Monday, June 2, 2008

Cycle update

First I have to say "Sorry" for anyone that reads my blog over the weekends. I hardly ever post on the weekend. I guess I am just not in the "mode".

Anyway - I have a cycle update.

I am on CD3. I got my period late in the day on Sat. Which means that I got my period 2 1/2 days after stopping the progesterone. Which I think is pretty good.

I asked my doctor if Sat would be CD1 as I did not get my period until about 5-6 pm. The nurse said as long as it was full red flow, then it would be CD1. Um, yeah - FULL red flow.

So, I went in today for CD3 b/w and u/s. I do have a very small cyst on my right side. The doc said it was really small and looks like it was going away on it's own. He said that if it was bigger then I would have to sit this cycle out. So.....thank God for small favors.

So, I decided to just suck up and deal with the Clomid side effects. I am doing this for a couple of reasons -

1) My body actually responds to Clomid. I have done 4 cycles already. On the 2 cycles that I have been monitored, I produced at least 2 follies. And the last time I got 4. Mind you the 4 were not all big, but I did have one big one in the lead.

2) I did get pregnant while using Clomid/IUI - so why change it?

3) My Doc wants to do injectables next after Clomid. I am not sure if I am ready for that.

So - I will start Clomid 100mg tonight and then go back on CD11 to check out my progress. If we use the same timeline as last month, then I will probably trigger on CD11 and have IUI on CD13.
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